Cognitive Dissonance

"Democracy! Bah! When I hear that I reach for my feather boa!" - Allen Ginsberg

67 notes

Intelligent, Condescending Life Discovered In Distant Galaxy

Aliens are dicks:

"We were extremely excited to have made contact with this highly advanced form of life, but it quickly became clear they’re pretty big jerks," said NASA scientist Raymond Morrison, referring frequently to a 24-page transcript of the interstellar transmission filled with patronizing language and backhanded compliments. "After telling us they hadn’t exactly been holding their breath waiting for us to figure out how to make contact with our ‘charmingly simplistic devices,’ they informed us they had studied our planet millennia ago but decided it was ‘too hopelessly primitive to be worthwhile.’"

According to NASA, the alien species described Earth’s 78-percent nitrogen atmosphere as a “decent start,” and said mankind had “come a long way in the past century, relatively speaking, considering it took [humans] a full 4 million years to walk upright.”

Actually, never mind. Maybe they’re right - we are quite primitive to each other.

Filed under The Onion Space is awesome lulz news space aliens satire

  1. accepted-speech reblogged this from baphomet-soup
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  4. anukkinearthwalker reblogged this from silas216 and added:
    stupid human tricks!
  5. silas216 reblogged this from cognitivedissonance
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  7. prdjournal reblogged this from seymourbuhts
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  10. coffee-n-cats said: lolol
  11. nomoretexasgovernorsforpresident said: Have you seen this cartoon? bartcop.com/gop-ufo…
  12. zeedikay reblogged this from blueskyesandberets
  13. blueskyesandberets reblogged this from whathasbeenlost and added:
    Lol
  14. whathasbeenlost reblogged this from irish-hugz and added:
    THE KEEPERS OF THE JET SKI
  15. randomactsofchaos reblogged this from cognitivedissonance
  16. betweensocksandphilosophy reblogged this from cognitivedissonance and added:
    I totally thought that this was legit. Then I realized that it was from the Onion. I feel brilliant.
  17. irish-hugz reblogged this from cognitivedissonance and added:
    The NASA scientists noted, however, that the tone of the discourse changed dramatically after the aliens were sent...
  18. vinegarwilliams reblogged this from cognitivedissonance and added:
    Haha!! We’re to dumb to care about? That’s so true!
  19. ziriamundane reblogged this from cognitivedissonance