Cognitive Dissonance

"Democracy! Bah! When I hear that I reach for my feather boa!" - Allen Ginsberg

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Cognitive Dissonance is going to the Republican National Convention!


That’s right, I’m heading to the Republican National Convention, courtesy of Tumblr. I’m going with Jayel Aheram and Bobby Finger. So at this time next week, we’ll be mingling and blogging with RNC conventioneers. 

You guys.

I’m so excited! What kind of coverage would you like to see here? And follow the Tumblr Election 2012 blog now!

Oh, and if you’d like to buy me a drink in Tampa, feel free to contribute on the sidebar. Or please contribute because I have to take a week off work to go. 

A huge thank you to Tumblr for this opportunity, and I can’t wait to head to Florida. I’ll remember the Good Doctor when the wheels touch down on the tarmac:

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn professional." ― Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail ‘72

Here’s my predictions for the RNC:


Mr. Romney Goes to Tampa

by Meg-Lanker Simons

Much has been made of Meh Mitt Romney’s lack of charisma, and it’s an easy target. But this is the Republican National Convention, the RNC — it’s supposed to be the nominee getting attendees pumped up, not everyone surrounding the nominee acting as a collective crowd fluffer. But I predict that will be the case in Tampa this year, unless Mitt gets a reboot pre-convention.

It’s shades of Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass. in 2004. Democrats were so excited to have a shot at not-Dubya in the White House that they forgot to find a nominee whose biggest plus in the pro column wasn’t “not Dubya” — not that Sen. Kerry isn’t inspiring insofar as his accomplishments in the US Senate and his life in general, but let’s be real — he’s about as exciting as a mayonnaise sandwich. Just like Romney:

In fact, President Barack Obama has tapped Kerry to play Romney in debate prep. Ostensibly, his choice is based upon Kerry’s up-close perspective on Romney’s tenure as governor and bid against the late Sen. Ted Kennedy. However, Romney and Kerry are two peas in a very boring, somewhat ideologically-conflicted pod.

I figured Mitt Romney would choose someone to bring some excitement to the ticket, and to court the non-WASPy vote. But alas, Rep. Paul Ryan, R-Wisc. was chosen to round out the other half of the Wonder Bread ticket™. Maybe it was the eyes:

Further, GLBTQ rights, including marriage equality and non-discrimination laws, are likely to play a role in drafting the Republican Party platform in a wildly divergent manner from previous elections. Conservatives, particularly young conservatives, are supporting gay rights more than ever before. Mitt Romney was at least tepid on gay rights before, but was not above distributing fliers at a gay pride event in 2002 during his gubernatorial run promising support to GLBTQ voters in Massachusetts. I also predict the GOP will lean heavily on the presence of high-profile female speakers at the convention, i.e. Gov. Nikki Haley, R-N.C., to continue to dispel the very real War on Women charge from Democrats, Independents, and moderate Republicans.

Notably absent from the convention is the perpetually twitterpated Sarah Palin. She released a Mean Girls-esque statement saying she wasn’t going to the Plastics’ party GOP convention, though it’s not clear she was actually invited in the first place.

The Mama Grizzly contingent is a strong one, and Palin has previously made comments in support of Ryan. Her supporters tend to be pretty passionate and will take directives from Palin, even if the rest of the GOP appears to have written her off.

Cue a run on these shirts

Regarding Paul Ryan, I expect his previous support of extreme anti-choice bills to raise a few eyebrows at the convention, but it might garner him some votes among the Mama Grizzly bears in Palin’s camp who are worried about Romney’s previous pro-choice stance.

As a whole, I believe the convention will expose a fractured GOP, but not one that will be easy to beat for Democrats. Citizens United v. FEC (2010) will see to that. This election year may be the last gasp of the social conservatives, or a second wave — that is, if state elections like Texas are indicators, with Tea Party upset Ted Cruz defeating a moderate incumbent in the primary. Neither party is unified, but Democrats may have an advantage with an incumbent in the White House — even though Obama is less than well-received on the right.

Perhaps the fluffing will work — Keynote Speaker and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is an expert at whipping up a crowd. However, the convention is about the GOP nominee, and the only consistent thing about Mitt is that he is thoroughly consistent with being inconsistent. It’s a significant impediment to revving up the base for Romney, but hey — isn’t that what the convention’s all about? And if all else fails, there’s always the Sarah Palin lookalike stripper, the Donald’s antics, and Kid Rock to get the party started.

The GOP promised us bread and circuses this year, and then left us with the most boring clown in the ring. I expect a show at the big top, and I know Mitt is not the one to deliver it. But I still have hope.

Maybe Herman Cain will freak out about 9-9-9, Michele Bachmann will regale us with tales about the ACLU controlling the CIA, Rick Santorum will unveil his new line of sweater vests with matching chastity belts, or Newt Gingrich will reveal he’s formed a new SuperPAC dedicated to putting us on the fucking moon. Now THAT, my friends, is a show worthy of the big top. A three-ring circus of epic proportions. Plus, I really want to hang out on the moon, even if I have to make small talk with Moon Queen Callista to do it.

See y’all in Tampa!



(Source: gov)

Filed under Election 2012 Tampa Mitt Romney Paul Ryan Newt Gingrich RNC Republican National Convention GOP Convention

  1. fullofdreamsyouoverslept reblogged this from gov
  2. the-documented-life-project reblogged this from gov and added:
    I think I’ll fill the slot previously filled by HBO’s ‘The Newsroom’ with RNC coverage, for obvious reasons. ~T
  3. lisalisaluvchild reblogged this from cognitivedissonance
  4. lonespektr reblogged this from cognitivedissonance
  5. timekiller-s reblogged this from cognitivedissonance and added:
    WOW! Looking forward to awesome reporting from Tampa!
  6. nomoretexasgovernorsforpresident reblogged this from cognitivedissonance
  7. cognitivedissonance reblogged this from gov and added:
    GUESS WHO’S GOING TO THE RNC?! That’s right, I’m heading to the Republican National Convention, courtesy of Tumblr. I’m...
  8. gov posted this