How did I not know this existed?!
“Riding the lofty coattails of the international tween sensation, TAINTLIGHT is the tale of Stella, a young girl who falls in love with an ancient, beautifully-behaired bloodsucker named Edgar. They struggle to stay together in the midst of vampire carnage, but a love triangle bubbles up when a Michael Jackson-loving werewolf named Jack comes forward professing his own love for Stella. Meanwhile, a rival group of “real” vampires led by the evil Razor McBleed are on the prowl, looking to put the stake to Edgar so they can feast on Stella and the rest of Bonejack Heights in this over the top horror parody with tongue firmly in cheek!”