Posts tagged Christian
Cognitive Dissonance
“Nothing is true, everything is permitted.” - William S. Burroughs
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Best Tweet of the night, courtesy of @neverthegroom
His whole feed is just bizarre. He hearts Tim Tebow, but hates surfer Kelly Slater. Why? BECAUSE ALL CAPS REASONS. A sample:
I couldn’t help myself. Here’s how this played out:
Hey, at least he listened on the caps lock thing.
The best part of this mini-conversation? I was tweeting about the Superbowl and Madonna’s glittertastic, gladiator halftime show. Somehow, I imagine this guy is the real-life, more dogmatic brother of Debbie Downer from SNL. Maybe Dougie Downer? A pal of his will mention liking pink and he’ll spout off: “You guys know who else likes pink? Susan G. Komen. And they support baby-killing at Planned Parenthood!” Countering him with facts is meaningless - Dougie’s on the case!
I love when the charmers come out of the woodwork.
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I spotted this poster at the Laramie Walmart, thereby confirming the rumored truth: Tim Tebow has become a god as was prophesied long ago in a lost letter from Paul to the Broncoites. His message: Fuck starving children — there’s a football game to be won and public displays of Christianity to be affirmed.
Remember kids, Tim Tebow is truly holier than thou.
I’m just curious about that whole no other gods before me thing. I thought the Judeo-Christian God was a jealous god.
[Y]ou don’t need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there’s something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can’t openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school.
Rick Perry, in his new campaign ad entitled “Strong”
It’s not often that you get gay-baiting, hooray military, AND “War on Christmas” buffoonery in one 30 second message. That takes some kind of, uh, talent.
This quote from his ad is wrong, though. The pew on Sunday is about the only place you’ll hear about this issue. Just in case you missed it in the campaign spot, Perry helpfully puts it in a banner ad over the video:
With all the problems this country faces economically, it’s apparently the Obama administration’s war on religion that’s keeping America from being great. Okay then…
Let me say this: I know of nowhere in this country where a child is prevented from praying at school. I know a child or teacher leading others in prayer, with mandatory participation, at a public school is unconstitutional. And when Perry says War on Religion, that’s code for Christianity, because I didn’t see him taking a stance against Rep. Peter King’s witch-hunt against Muslims. No one stopped Perry from holding his pray-a-thon or from issuing an official proclamation from the governor’s desk imploring Texans to pray for rain this year.
And this War on Christmas bullshit needs to stop. This message ticks me off the most in this video. I walk into Wal-Mart. Are there menorahs? No. Big, 20-foot Christmas trees in the front entrance and decorations throughout the store. Let’s keep in mind December 25th marks the only religious-based federal holiday. Just for funsies, here’s how the University of Wyoming explains Christmas to international students:
December 25, Christmas: The major holiday in this country, Christmas began as a Christian celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. It is now a widely celebrated day of feasting and gift giving. A mythical figure, Santa Claus, is said to visit the homes of sleeping children on the night of December 24 and leave gifts for them. All state and federal offices are closed.
I don’t see anything decorating the front lawn of the Albany County Courthouse other than Christmas decorations. In fact, the city pays for a synchronized light show with both secular and religious carols:
It’s not different elsewhere, either. Search the Google and you’ll find many displays similar. No one is going to come to your house from the Obama administration and take your nativity. Also, it’s still called the National Christmas tree:
Oh, and remember Obama’s 56 states gaffe? Maybe he was referencing the 56 states and territories of the U.S. Just sayin’
So in summary, there’s no War on Christmas, Obama is not waging a war on religion, gay people aren’t infiltrating the military to stop your kids from praying in school, and Rick Perry just slammed the door on his way out.
(Source: cognitivedissonance)
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I swear to God, this could have come from a friend of mine. Everything was a miracle to her. Until it actually wasn’t.
You even make Jesus facepalm.
Submitted by anonymous.
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'Jesus Ween' offers a Christian alternative to Halloween, says Calgary pastor
Happy Jesus Ween y’all:
A Calgary pastor is promoting Jesus Ween, a faith-based alternative to the traditional holiday fare of candy and spooky garb.
Instead of chocolate bars and gummy bears, he’s asking people to shun demonic costumes and instead dole out pocket-sized bibles or other “Christian gifts.”
The idea has caught on in communities across North America, according to Jesus Ween creator Paul Ade. He’s hoping it will bring a new perspective to an otherwise pagan festival, he said.
“I do not associate myself with ghosts, demons, Satan and witches. These are things I want to get rid of,” he said.
“If it’s OK for a child to know about demons, it should also be OK for a child to know about Jesus.”
Jesus Ween has attracted international attention, with media reports circulating as far away as Britain.
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The pastor has 200 “kid-friendly” bibles ready to distribute to Calgary children on Monday. “I don’t think we’re ruining anybody’s fun. Getting a bible is not getting a bomb. It’s nothing really bad,” Ade said.
Remember when you though getting raisins and apples were the worst? Imagine the fury in the US if he were to create Allah-ween instead.
My God. That sounds awfully close to “Halloween” - perhaps it’s best to lock the kiddies up! Or he could take the advice of another fellow pastor:
The insertion of Jesus into a harmless holiday reserved for treats and spooky pumpkins is a turnoff, argues John Van Sloten, the pastor of New Hope Church. “I think it’s awful. It feeds into the stereotype that to be a person who follows Christ is to be against everything outside of the church,” said Van Sloten. “I’m kind of appalled by someone doing this.”
The picture accompanying the article is hysterical when compared with the whole Halloween-the-satanic-holiday tone of the Jesus Ween Facebook and website. Instead of Christians “having to hide” on Halloween, they can give Bibles to monsters like these:
First, masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman. If a man were to masturbate while engaged in other forms of sexual intimacy with his wife then he would not be doing so in a homosexual way. However, any man who does so without his wife in the room is bordering on homosexual activity, particularly if he’s watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body.
Mark Driscoll, “Pastor” of the Mars Hill Church in Seattle, claiming men need to stop masturbating because it’s a kind of homosexuality. Driscoll also authored a booklet entitled Porn-Again Christian: A Frank Discussion on Pornography & Masturbation for God’s Men.
This is what immediately came to mind:
Yes, that’s James Franco making out with himself. Oh, and this:
In order to clear up any confusion for Driscoll, here’s the Merriam-Webster definition of homosexual:
ho·mo·sex·u·al adj
\ˌhō-mə-ˈsek-sh(ə-)wəl, -ˈsek-shəl\
Definition of HOMOSEXUAL
1: of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex
2: of, relating to, or involving sexual intercourse between persons of the same sex
Nothing in there regarding sex with yourself, I promise. Oddly enough, he says nothing about women, lesbianism, female masturbation, etc. I just don’t know what to say about this - it’s so ridiculous.
DON’T TOUCH YERSELF, BOYS! IT’S GONNA MAKE YOU A HOMOSEXUAL!
Yeah, okay. Oh, and “Pastor” is in quotations marks because reason, dude. You’ve got none.
(Source: addictinginfo.org)
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Rush Limbaugh Endorses The Lord’s Resistance Army
Warning about the link above: There’s a graphic photo of a man attacked by Lord’s Resistance Army displayed within the article.
First, what Limbaugh said:
“Lord’s Resistance Army are Christians. They are fighting the Muslims in Sudan. And Obama has sent troops, United States troops to remove them from the battlefield, which means kill them. That’s what the lingo means, “to help regional forces remove from the battlefield,” meaning capture or kill. […] Lord’s Resistance Army objectives. I have them here. “To remove dictatorship and stop the oppression of our people.” … The objectives of the Lord’s Resistance Army, what they’re trying to accomplish with their military action in these countries is the following: To remove dictatorship and stop the oppression of our people; to fight for the immediate restoration of the competitive multiparty democracy in Uganda; to see an end to gross violation of human rights and dignity of Ugandans; to ensure the restoration of peace and security in Uganda, to ensure unity, sovereignty, and economic prosperity beneficial to all Ugandans, and to bring to an end the repressive policy of deliberate marginalization of groups of people who may not agree with the LRA ideology.”
Those are the objectives of the group that we are fighting, or who are being fought and we are joining in the effort to remove them from the battlefield.
As ThinkProgress writer Matthew Yglesias says (and I agree):
“I think reasonable people can disagree as to whether or not chasing a relatively small band of depraved mass murderers around central africa is a reasonable thing for American military personnel to be doing. But let’s make no mistake—these are depraved mass murderers. And yet Rush Limbaugh is pleased to welcome them as fellow Christian allies.”
The LRA is on the terrorist exclusion list drawn up by the United States. The TEL means known associates of the group are banned from the U.S., plus U.S. citizens and aliens within the U.S. alike are banned from providing any kind of support to that group. The LRA has committed several terrorist acts, including kidnapping children to be sex slaves and child soldiers (after murdering their parents); using clubs to attack a bus full of people, causing 22 fatalities; engaging in systematic rape as a weapon of war; bombing nightclubs; and murdering World Food Group volunteers.
At this point, I have to wonder: Is Limbaugh just testing his audience to see if they’re actually paying attention? I can picture someone taking up a collection plate at church for this “Christian” group, Googling to found out where to send the funds, and being absolutely horrified. Better yet, someone calls into Limbaugh’s show to ask where to send the cash. Either way, sending them cash could be a crime.
I think what the LRA is doing is horrible and I can’t picture the person who would endorse them. Oh, wait:
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Dominionist Christian Nationalism Message Takes Facebook By Storm
And another viral Facebook post:
A little girl wanted to know what the United States looked like. Her Dad tore a map of the USA from a magazine and then cut it into small pieces. He told her to go to her room to see if she could put it together. After some minutes she returned and handed the map correctly fitted and taped together. The Dad was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly. She said, “On the other side was a picture of Jesus and when I put him back then our country just came together!”
I’m most concerned about her not knowing what the US looked like, yet was capable of putting together the face of Jesus from small pieces in minutes. I call shenanigans on this post. </sarcasm>
God, I hate this cut and paste crap. Click to search the phrase “if you agree” on Openbook. It’s the new chain email, I swear.
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Why Cupcakes?
Simply because everyone wants them!
Cupcakes were designed for children’s birthday parties. We love Children and we love birthdays. We think this would be a good way to tell people that we think that every child should be allowed to have a birthday.
Bring in a tray of cupcakes for any group of people and you will find that they will flock to get them. As soon as they take a bite they will probably ask, “Who’s birthday is it?”
Then you answer. “It’s no ones [sic] birthday. These cupcakes represent the 50,000,000 children who weren’t allowed to be born, who never had a birthday.” The cake in their mouth will become dry and the moment will hopefully become quite somber. Then you say, “If you and I were aborted we wouldn’t have a birthday party either.”
The idea behind www.CupCakesForlife.com is to spread the terrible truth about the assault on the unborn in a thoughtful, unique, and kind way.
Cupcakes for Life’s suggestion on how to ruin a perfectly good day at work, school, etc. Well, not really, but that is how I would interpret this, particularly because your aim is to “turn the mood quite somber.”
Either that, or I’d feel coerced into listening to your pro-life message because you gave me a cupcake that was a delicious treat, but now has become a condemnatory caketastic resentment in a paper cup.
Personally, I’d rather you give me some lit with gory pictures so I don’t feel bad about throwing food away. As soon as you tell me what you’re up to with your sugary guilt trips, I’m going to throw it away and resist the urge to start singing “I’m a prom night dumpster baaaaby…” while doing so.
Okay, so I wouldn’t go that far, but you get my drift. If I weren’t born, I would not care since I would not exist. If you want children to be born so they can get cupcakes and birthdays, like this flyer implies, you have an awfully naive, privileged view of the likely life of unwanted children. Here’s my favorite flyer (click to enlarge):
Oh, you wanna remember the unborn, unwrap their gifts, and eat some cake? That’s so selfless. You’re assuming that every child who was aborted would get gifts and cake, and that’s a pretty big leap o’ logic. And you don’t think it’s fair some children don’t ever get a birthday party? Why not stuff your self-righteousness and take a tray of cupcakes to an already-born child whose parents can’t afford a birthday party or some cake? To quote George Carlin, “Because that’s something Christ would do!”
And you wanna talk about indoctrinating children? Here’s Cupcakes For Life’s vision: “Imagine ten students from every school in the US baking 50 cupcakes and bringing them to school in the name of LIFE on the same day! Imagine that every one of these students is on a mission to promote the idea that every person should have the right to be born and have a birthday. Imagine the impact of students telling other students the facts about abortion. Imagine students starting to actively campaign against abortion in elementary, high schools, and colleges all across America!” Elementary school? Really?
You want to know how this will backfire? Some sanctimonious individual is going to give this to someone who lost a child, someone who had a miscarriage, and no matter how sweet the cupcake, it will be absolutely bitter. You just reminded that person of their loss in a condescending manner that will not endear you to anyone. Or you’ll give it to someone like me, who is not going to have the patience for this shit, and you better be prepared for a hearty debate. In all seriousness, if I have my way, I’ll just buy your cupcakes off you and take them to Planned Parenthood.
Better yet, I think on the day this is planned (Oct. 9th), I’m going to take a tray of cupcakes from my local grocery to my local reproductive health clinic to thank them for putting up with this kind of BS daily. If you’re going to do this, and I encourage you to, I recommend bringing store-bought cupcakes still sealed, or else they may throw them away for health and security concerns.
If you take cupcakes to Planned Parenthood, I also suggest contacting Cupcakes For Life here and thanking them for this idea. It’s only fair.
Natalie Dee lays down some truth
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The Christian case for family planning aid
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Courtesy of somegreybloke, here’s some tips for those of you who will be raptured up to heaven on Saturday. For those of us who are damned, this brings the lulz.
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Yeah… this woman belongs in the Phelps clan. God is good because he killed people. And you’re overjoyed. People in Japan died and you’re grateful because he “woke up” atheists. Uh, I’m sure Christians died too, if that matters to you.
You ridiculous, wretched human being, taking glee in other’s suffering…
*ahem*
GOD IS NOT YOUR PERSONAL HITMAN!
(Source: twitter.com)
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In the end, the presidency is different than any other job. You want to be able to look into them and understand, do they share my values? Do they know what I’m frightened of? Do they have answers that are real? … In a sense, our Judeo-Christian civilization is under attack from two fronts. On one front, you have a secular, atheist, elitism. And on the other front, you have radical Islamists. And both groups would like to eliminate our civilization if they could. For different reasons, but with equal passion.
(Source: blogs.cbn.com)
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Why Do White Evangelicals Reject Jesus?
In other words, conservative Evangelicals react to Jesus the same way they react to everything else: “What is in it for ME?”
Now think about it. This sort of selfish mentality also informs their reactions to things like marriage equality, because people who are only concerned with themselves tend to play victim when somebody else threatens to outdo them in quality of life, love, happiness, etc. They have so long convinced themselves that they are The Elect, and that their system of morality is the best one, so it really messes them up to consider that the rest of the population has no use for their patriarchal system, for their rigid shame-inducing lifestyle, or anything else about them, really. It’s the same mentality that has retirees on Medicare joining the anti-union pitchfork-fest in Wisconsin. That’s why it’s really not surprising that conservative, fundamentalist Christians are the most likely demographic when it comes to supporting selfish, awful policies that do nothing but hurt people.
ALL OF THIS ^^^
