Posts tagged Facebook
Posts tagged Facebook
Hey, Tumblr. Mitch McConnell has opened his Facebook up for comments about what’s important to voters — with four specific criteria. Go make a serious, genuine comment, or troll the ever-living shit out of the page, I really don’t care.
Either way, he (and his staff) are going to come away thinking this was a terrible idea, so go have some fun, you kooky kids.
Oh, this is beautiful.
And here’s the ultimate point: You’re either open to business from the public, or you’re not. End of story. The author of the status and the marvelous reply is a Christian himself — only he takes that whole love thy neighbor thing seriously.
From the Coca-Cola Facebook page… This is likely the best worst response of the hundreds I sifted through, and as such, deserved its own post. You have racist hysteria punctuated with lots of ALL CAPS and exclamation points. There’s American exceptionalism proudly on display, as she insists translating “America the Beautiful” into other languages means we will “BOW DOWN” before them.
Yes, Georgia Ellis is real. She would like you to know that “we here in America speak America”. Why? Because the “supper bowl” is an “AMERICA GAME.” Now I’m just picturing KFC selling football-themed famous bowls and labeling them “supper bowls”.
My second favorite posts would be the people who either don’t know “America the Beautiful” is NOT the national anthem, or the folks insisting they’re switching to Sprite or another Coca-Cola owned brand because they don’t care to look up what Coca-Cola actually distributes. How can you be bothered to do that when it’s just so much easier to fly off half-cocked?
In case you missed why the xenophobes are melting down tonight, here’s the ad that sparked a racist rage fest on Coca-Cola’s Facebook page. This links directly to the post on Facebook. Be warned: Racist, xenophobic, misogynistic, classist, homophobic bile most vile abounds.
So do massive trolling opportunities if you’re feeling puckish.
I’m looking at you, hawkamania.
And now for something completely different: I present to you the best response to the impotent white rage on Coca-Cola’s Facebook page.
Here’s what I’m talking about:
Look at all these angry white people… I ventured over to Coca-Cola’s Facebook page and holy shit, y’all. These posts were captured in the five minutes after the ad ran. (4/4)
Look at all these angry white people… I ventured over to Coca-Cola’s Facebook page and holy shit, y’all. These posts were captured in the five minutes after the ad ran. (3/4)
I ventured over to Coca-Cola’s Facebook page and holy shit, y’all — there’s a lot of madfaced white people on there. These next four posts were all captured in the five minutes after the ad ran. (1/4)
Friends off, Facebook. Why would you recommend this?
I’m guessing it’s Annie’s, but I could be wrong.
The proper response to a friend’s Facebook “______ married ______” life event:
“Congrats!” or “Hey, I didn’t know you got hitched. Congrats!” Basically, some variation on the theme of wishing them well.
A selection of improper responses:
“I wasn’t invited?” No, obviously you weren’t, and now you’re making it all awkward turtle for everyone else.
Or: “I don’t believe in marriage!” Good for you, snowflake. Now move along.
Or: “Ugh, I can’t believe you married ________!” Air your grievances in private. You don’t need to Debbie Downer threadjack about how your friend’s new spouse is a boil in humanity’s arse. It might be true, but that’s just rude to do on your friend’s event. I bet you weren’t invited to the wedding either.
Finally: “We’re pregnant/buying a house/got engaged/making millions!” Good for you! Now, let your pal have a moment before one-upping their happiness.
I’ve seen all of these this weekend. Here’s a rule of thumb: Would you say it to their face? How about at their wedding in front of all their guests into a microphone? Because that’s what you’re doing on Facebook. And if you answered yes to those questions, then we now know the reason you posted, “What, no invite?”
Because you’re a fun-sucking douchecanoe that feeds on squashing the happiness of others. /rant
You and your suggested pages can eat me. I haven’t searched anything remotely close to babies, though I did recently search “vodka drink recipes”. My married, childfree friends have all discovered that as we approach and crest age thirty, Facebook is the nosiest mother of them all — “When are you gonna stop instaphotoing your food and give me some GRANDBABIES?!”
I’m not looking to procreate any time soon, and especially not with a site boasting that it, plus its tips, are responsible for 6,000+ shrieking miracles. Also, I haven’t seen or used the term “baby maker” since I threatened to kick a skeevy dude named Ryan in it sometime in middle school.
I went to Paula Deen’s Facebook page the other day, probably because I hate myself, but ostensibly to see what her supporters had to say at the request of one of my fellow stand-up comedians working on a Paula Dean joke.
This wasn’t the worst comment in response to the page’s question: “How many of y’all are taking a vacation?” It was pretty representative, though.
But I noticed something interesting when I scrolled back before the fury was unleashed regarding her unbridled racism and discrimination. There were very few comments like this one.
This leads me to three possible, immediate conclusions: Paula Deen’s supporters are racist, her PR staff used to be better at scrubbing, or, now that people know about her propensity towards bigotry, they have a “permission slip” to let fly.
I’d say the last conclusion is the most likely, though it’s probably a little of Column A, a little of Column B. Oh, and I’m going to stay off her page. It’s a swarm of asshats.
My friend lost a $5 bet to me. I’m merciless.
This is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen on my mother’s Facebook feed.