Posts tagged Facebook
Posts tagged Facebook
I’m guessing it’s Annie’s, but I could be wrong.
The proper response to a friend’s Facebook “______ married ______” life event:
“Congrats!” or “Hey, I didn’t know you got hitched. Congrats!” Basically, some variation on the theme of wishing them well.
A selection of improper responses:
“I wasn’t invited?” No, obviously you weren’t, and now you’re making it all awkward turtle for everyone else.
Or: “I don’t believe in marriage!” Good for you, snowflake. Now move along.
Or: “Ugh, I can’t believe you married ________!” Air your grievances in private. You don’t need to Debbie Downer threadjack about how your friend’s new spouse is a boil in humanity’s arse. It might be true, but that’s just rude to do on your friend’s event. I bet you weren’t invited to the wedding either.
Finally: “We’re pregnant/buying a house/got engaged/making millions!” Good for you! Now, let your pal have a moment before one-upping their happiness.
I’ve seen all of these this weekend. Here’s a rule of thumb: Would you say it to their face? How about at their wedding in front of all their guests into a microphone? Because that’s what you’re doing on Facebook. And if you answered yes to those questions, then we now know the reason you posted, “What, no invite?”
Because you’re a fun-sucking douchecanoe that feeds on squashing the happiness of others. /rant
You and your suggested pages can eat me. I haven’t searched anything remotely close to babies, though I did recently search “vodka drink recipes”. My married, childfree friends have all discovered that as we approach and crest age thirty, Facebook is the nosiest mother of them all — “When are you gonna stop instaphotoing your food and give me some GRANDBABIES?!”
I’m not looking to procreate any time soon, and especially not with a site boasting that it, plus its tips, are responsible for 6,000+ shrieking miracles. Also, I haven’t seen or used the term “baby maker” since I threatened to kick a skeevy dude named Ryan in it sometime in middle school.
I went to Paula Deen’s Facebook page the other day, probably because I hate myself, but ostensibly to see what her supporters had to say at the request of one of my fellow stand-up comedians working on a Paula Dean joke.
This wasn’t the worst comment in response to the page’s question: “How many of y’all are taking a vacation?” It was pretty representative, though.
But I noticed something interesting when I scrolled back before the fury was unleashed regarding her unbridled racism and discrimination. There were very few comments like this one.
This leads me to three possible, immediate conclusions: Paula Deen’s supporters are racist, her PR staff used to be better at scrubbing, or, now that people know about her propensity towards bigotry, they have a “permission slip” to let fly.
I’d say the last conclusion is the most likely, though it’s probably a little of Column A, a little of Column B. Oh, and I’m going to stay off her page. It’s a swarm of asshats.
My friend lost a $5 bet to me. I’m merciless.
This is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen on my mother’s Facebook feed.