Posts tagged Government

NOTICE OF EVICTION

District Court Ejectment/Eviction Case Number: 028-CV-032012

LANDLORD

• Name: Uteri
• Address: Usually south of the Fallopian Tubes, North of the Vagina
• City, State, Zip: State of Exasperation, Wherever Uterused-Americans reside

TENANT

• Name: The Republican Party
• Address: The uteri of Uterused-Americans
• City, State, Zip: State of Misogyny, wherever Uterused-Americans reside

The sheriff is voters are scheduled to evict you on [date]: 11/06/2012 

Warning:

• Once the sheriff begins voters begin the eviction, any personal property that you leave in the premises is considered abandoned. The tenant does not have any right to re-enter the property or re-claim any property after the eviction begins.
• Any abandoned property may be disposed of by the landlord at any time after the eviction begins. The landlord is strictly prohibited from putting the abandoned property in the street, the sidewalk, alleys, or any public property.

This is the final notice of the date of the eviction that you will receive.

I hereby certify that I posted a completed copy of the above notice on the premises described above on [date]: March 20, 2012.

Name: Meg Lanker-Simons (Uterused-American)   Date: 3/20/2012

(Insert your name and voilà — Instant eviction notice!)

(Source: cognitivedissonance)

Seriously, hear me out.

I realized this when answering nice Anon. I’m just sitting there typing, when it hits me!

Inspiration for an explanation!

They’re chaotic neutral. For reals:

A character of this alignment is an individualist who follows his or her own heart, and generally shirks rules and traditions. Although they promote the ideals of freedom, it is their own freedom that comes first. Good and Evil come second to their need to be free, and the only reliable thing about them is how totally unreliable they are. Chaotic Neutral characters are free-spirited and do not enjoy the unnecessary suffering of others, but if they join a team, it is because that team’s goals happen to coincide with their own at the moment.

They invariably resent taking orders and can be very selfish in their pursuit of personal goals. A Chaotic Neutral character does not have to be an aimless wanderer; they may have a specific goal in mind, but their methods of achieving that goal are often disorganized, unorthodox, or entirely unpredictable. An unusual subset of Chaotic Neutral is “strongly Chaotic Neutral,” describing a character who behaves chaotically to the point of appearing insane.

This was submitted to me several weeks ago by a reader named David L.

He writes, “Though you could debate whether or not Harvey Dent truly has the alignment of chaotic neutral, does it not stand to reason the libertarian philosophy could be debated as one looking at chance as the only fair option in society? Government is unfair, social support is unfair if the individual is not self-sufficient… etc. The libertarian champions chance and freedom until their freedom is pissed upon via an imaginary or real injustice. Then SOMEONE must DO SOMETHING. In primary school, these little miscreants never learned to share their toys. Perhaps I’m over-simplifying, but over in the UK, it appears American politics and American society as a whole has gone entirely bloody mad. Ron Paul would never be voted into parliament. Even under Cameron, a man of his caliber and ideas would be relegated to preaching in a park or a street corner. Your election is a reality show, a Dungeons and Dragons for the easily bored.”

Trust me, I’ve thought the same thing about the political scene being a freak show. Perhaps politics is just a role-playing game.

But then who the fuck is throwing the die?

Riiiight…. And let’s not forget the top ten list of corporate donors. Ron Paul fans frequently support the Citizens United v. FEC (2010) decision by the U.S. Supreme Court. This decision opened the floodgates to corporate cash in the election process. Interestingly enough, I spoke with many Paul fans months ago who insisted their hero needed no corporate or PAC cash because that money is tainted, comes with strings, etc.

In any case, Ron Paul’s rise is perhaps not as meteoric as predicted. However, don’t tell his chaotic neutral fans:

Rep. Marcy Kaptur’s Republican opponent for Ohio’s Ninth Congressional District is Joe the Plumber.

No joke.

This is gonna be good. A hardcore, well-loved progressive with labor support versus Joe the Plumber?

It sort of makes me want to move to Toledo. 

You’re right, Anderson Cooper. That’s a ridiculous idea. Almost as ridiculous as JOE THE FUCKING PLUMBER being a serious contender for Congress.

Bravo, Ohio Republicans.

Sarah Palin trolled us from 2008, y’all. 

(Source: cognitivedissonance)

I’ve decided I want to own a business just in case the GOP manages to pass their overbroad conscience bill. I have a moral objection to providing any kind of healthcare to a person who would strip it from others based on what a sky-god supposedly meant.

Yeah, I have that moral objection. But I would provide comprehensive health insurance anyhow. Why? Because it’s the right goddamn thing to do, even if I feel those folks should reap what they have sown for others.

If you have a moral objection to birth control, psychological treatment, etc. – don’t use that service. Don’t use contraception.

If you want to live by the Bible, hooray for you. Not all of us want that. Some of us don’t see an unintended pregnancy as a miracle. Some of us don’t think you can pray away depression.

No one is preventing you from attending church or practicing your faith. No one is stopping you from attempting to ram your version of Jesus Christ as a science-denying patriarch down my throat. All we ask is that you obey laws passed years ago.

If a church wanted to violate child labor laws, would politicians support an exception? After the start of the 2012 election cycle, I’m afraid to ask. We already allow churches to waive anti-discrimination laws and give them privileged tax status based upon their status as a church. If churches are going to lobby to control my body, the least they can do is acknowledge their organizational purpose is no longer shepherding a flock – it’s ringleading the political circus.

Until you render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s, I argue churches pay taxes and follow the laws of any other political organization/business. There’s my moral objection – currently, they’re not. Assuming the GOP throws a successful tantrum on this issue, I will continue to make this moral objection.

I want to think the American people can see this conscience clause BS as a reactionary throwback, little more than circuses in a time of limited bread. But when the people elected to lead us are leading that circus parade of morality police instead, I fear my faith may be misplaced.

So in the future, come work for my law firm. I’ll provide comprehensive coverage for contraception and the like – even for those who change their minds and join the 98% of Catholics and 99% of Americans who admit to using contraception at least once. You won’t have to ask for it because it will already be there.

Why? Because it’s the ethical, moral thing to do.

My coverage of the CNN debate tonight. Yes, there was another one.

It’s getting ridiculous in terms of the introductions - each debate is introduced as the most important one. This debate may actually be relatively important - it’s the last one before Florida’s primary, and with Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich tied in the polls, they needed a strong night. The result? Eh, not so much.

Romney managed to get some hits in on Gingrich, and vice-versa, but the consensus on Twitter seemed to be that it was less strategic debate tactic and more tantrum-throwing. Either way, I predict Florida is Rick Santorum’s last stand. He’s running out of cash. The sweater vest market is small, and there’s only so many you can sell to each person, y’know?

And the discussion over colonizing the moon… Statehood for the moon. Seriously. Don’t miss that.

The next debate isn’t scheduled until February 22nd, so we have at least a month ‘til the next one. 

If you missed tonight’s debate, catch it here:

Bonus tweets from the GOP response, and I (briefly) hopped aboard the Herman Cain train. 

(Source: cognitivedissonance)