Cognitive Dissonance

"Democracy! Bah! When I hear that I reach for my feather boa!" - Allen Ginsberg

Posts tagged Iowa

34 notes

CNN breaks the fourth wall forever

CNN just interviewed Jim-Bob Duggar. You know, that guy from 19 Kids and Counting on TLC? He warrants an interview because he and 12 of his J-named children piled into Iowa to campaign for Rick Santorum.

Oh yes they did. They’re now hanging out at Rick Santorum HQ with Erick Erickson of Redstate.com. CNN is killing my love of the caucuses with their holograms and Jim-Bob Duggar.

That’s it, guys. We’ve crossed the fourth wall. Politics is reality television and reality television is politics. I shudder to think what will happen if we vote American Idol-style.

Just get Santorum rolling on gay people and abortions. He has no range!

At least it’ll be an endless supply of jokes. Wolf Blitzer was playing with the holographic Iowa and actually said, “We’ve got a little Santorum on the screen over here.” 

I still haven’t entirely recovered from the giggle fit that ensued.

(Source: cognitivedissonance)

Filed under Rick Santorum Iowa Politics Iowa caucus lulz CNN Republican Republicans the fourth wall media news Jim-Bob Duggar 19 Kids and Counting

25 notes

Iowa Caucus coverage

MSNBC, CNN, and Fox News have exciting sound effects. They have fancy graphics. MSNBC is analyzing the campaign strategy of Rick Santorum in regards to his stops at Pizza Ranch - a chain owned by an evangelical Christian. There’s speculation on whether their patrons are going to throw the caucus.

This place may decide Iowa.
I’m a big deal, okay?!

Seriously:

Token pundit: “I guarantee 80% of Iowa patrons of Pizza Ranch will vote for Santorum!”
Ed Schultz: "Well, Pizza Ranch is known in the Midwest as affordable food. It’s the food of the working man! Santorum knows this!" 

It’s currently a threesome: Ron Paul with 23%, Mitt Romney with 23%, and Rick Santorum with 23% - but only 22% of the voters are counted. Soledad O’Brien is breathlessly reporting how results will be written on the official whiteboard in Clive, shouting into the mike as if she’s in a war zone. CNN is lost in a holographic imagery maze encased in flat-screens breaking it down by evangelicals both young and old, by candidate, and - I’m pretty sure this is coming - Pizza Ranch support. Wolf Blitzer praised his co-commentator for her “fabulous flick” and promised us more flicking.

Meanwhile, C-SPAN is covering the caucus at Urbandale’s Gloria Dei Lutheran Church. A first-time caucus attendee for Ron Paul drowsily described the caucus as “a very informal process where we, you know, just write out our votes on a single sheet of paper and pass them into a bucket.” A Rick Santorum supporter says he voted for Santorum to stop “European-style socialism” - a Newt talking point.

Treynor, Iowa just adjourned on C-SPAN 2 with the chair awkwardly wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

If you want to know what a caucus is really like, tune into C-SPAN. It’s not as exciting as you might think if all you paid attention to was sound effects. 

I love the election cycle.

(Source: cognitivedissonance)

Filed under Iowa Caucus Iowa Rick Santorum Newt Gingrich Mitt Romney Ron Paul Michele Bachmann Jon Huntsman C-SPAN C-SPAN 2 republican republicans Election 2012 media politics news

69 notes

Diversity creates conflict. We can’t celebrate diversity because it creates conflict.

Rick Santorum at a campaign event in Ottumwa, Iowa.

Really? 

This is probably the best “I’m really scared of change” quote ever. It’s a shit cupcake, frosted with fear, and topped off with teeny-tiny white Dominionist Christian sprinkles.

This sign from a Santorum supporter in Iowa explains so much:

(Source: cognitivedissonance)

Filed under Rick Santorum Conservative Conservatives Iowa Iowa Caucus Diversity really? GOP Republican Republicans For reals? STFU Ugh

225 notes

The Tea Party voter guide for Iowa

First, pro-tip for the Tea Party: When you send out a voter guide, spell the names of the candidates correctly.

From the Tea Party Issues Ballot Guide - Iowa Edition:

STRAW POLL

  • Which candidate do you support for President?
  • Mitt Romney
  • Rick Santorum
  • Buddy Roemer
  • Michelle [sic] Bachman [sic] (Guys, it’s “Michele Bachmann”)
  • Ron Paul
  • Newt Gingrich  
  • Rick Perry
  • John [sic] Huntsman (Again, spell-check: It’s “Jon”)  
  • Other (write in)

Their chosen issues are just a titch terrifying. And putting instructions in all caps makes me think you’re screaming at me.

Wait… this is the Tea Party.

Anyhow, here’s their chosen issues. My comments are in bold and bracketed:

CHECK EVERY ISSUE YOU THINK SHOULD BE INCLUDED IN THE TEA PARTY VOTER GUIDE. YOU CAN CHECK AS MANY AS YOU’D LIKE. WE’LL SEND YOU THE GUIDE JUST BEFORE THE IOWA CAUCUSES.

Balanced budget amendment [You know those wars you are all so fond of? Couldn’t and wouldn’t happen with this.]

Balance budget by reducing spending to a level equal to our tax revenues [We’d be boned. You know who did that, by the way? A Democrat. President Bill Clinton balanced the budget.]

Reduce spending by elimination of waste, fraud and abuse in the Federal Government.

Cut taxes. [Because that will totally work, considering the Bush tax cuts put us in the black. Wait…]

Enact the fair tax. [Cool. So GE is gonna pay taxes? Oh, not that kind of fair tax…]

Enact a consumption tax, IE a national sales tax. [I think you’re looking for “i.e.” - “IE” is the shitty browser most of you likely use.]

Repeal the 16th Amendment (the income tax amendment) [And fund government how? Magic fairy dust?]

Repeal Obamacare [You mean The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act?]

Require any Supreme Court Justice to be prolife [Unbiased, independent judiciary says what?]

Abolish the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. [Um, no. You guys can’t get rid of a circuit because they made you sad and angry in your face.]

Abolish the Judgeships of activist judges [Hey, that’ll totally guarantee an independent judiciary. That’s not like a dictatorship at all </sarcasm>. Besides, you can’t just abolish their judgeship because reasons.]

Oppose Federal Tort Reform and protect the 7th Amendment (Civil Jury Trials)

Overturn Roe V. Wade

Increase Defense spending to at least the levels in years of the Bush administration. [And yet, you want to cut taxes and get rid of the income tax altogether. Oh, and defense spending under Obama increased. So that would be a decrease. See the chart below. True facts, y’all]


Withdraw from Afghanistan [Hooray rationality!]

Surge troops in Afghanistan so that the Taliban is defeated. [And there it goes. Ask Russia and Britain how the whole Afghanistan thing went.]

Start all foreign aid at zero. [Even Israel?]

Eliminate foreign aid. [Foreign aid = very tiny portion of our budget. Particularly against defense spending. Chart time!]

[Look! You can barely see the green bar!]

Stop Iran from acquiring nuclear weapons. [Probably with magic fairy dust. Because that seems to be the only way to guarantee it. It’s not like Obama just sanctioned the hell out of Iran or anything…]

Work for regime change in Iran through covert action. [It’s not covert now </sarcasm>]

Impose trade sanctions on China [You know that’s where all the shit in Wal-Mart comes from, right?]

Support the Death Penalty [They support it so hard it becomes a proper noun.]

Oppose and defeat the “Internet free speech kill switch.” [Even a broken clock is right twice a day.]

Abolish the EPA [But for the other 1,438 minutes in the day, that broken clock is wrong. Who needs clean air anyhow? Smog builds character.]

Abolish the Department of Education [Book learnin’ is for socialists.]

Abolish the Department of Energy [Who needs safe energy development? Coal mine accidents = job openings, right? </sarcasm>] 

Repeal NAFTA and other free trade agreements. [I could deal…]

Increase Free trade agreements. [And there y’all go again with the whole irrationality thing…]

Reinstate Don’t ask Don’t Tell [Why? Because gay soldiers are fighting the War on Christmas, that’s why.]

Leave the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell intact. [You’re just bullshitting me now.]

Work to repeal Gun Control laws and protect the Second Amendment against state restrictions. [Hint: Gun rights expanded under Obama. Guns in federal parks, gun bans struck down in several cities, assault rifle ban NOT reinstated as Obama said it would be, etc. Plus, we just bought a record amount of guns as Christmas gifts this year. I’m going to quit joking about the War on Christmas now.]

Secure the Border [Oh, boy. This one’s always, um, entertaining.]

Have selective removal of illegal aliens [By what? Lottery? Church attendance?]

Remove all illegal aliens. [Because that’s not prohibitively expensive, especially after we get rid of taxes.]

Abolish birthright citizenship. [It’s not like it’s in the US Constitution or anything. Because it is. For supposed strict constitutionalists, you all sure like to dick with the US Constitution.]

Repeal Dodd-Frank [Regulations caused the financial crisis, right?]

Repeal Sarbanes Oxley [This was an act to increase corporate accountability in the wake of Enron and other scandals. Essentially, this means CEOs can be held responsible for fraud or otherwise cooked books. Sounds terrible.]

Repeal oppressive business regulations. [What else is left? The minimum wage? Oh, right… Remember, if things they don’t like aren’t repealed, Tea Party Nation believes businesses should stop hiring in protest. Really.]

If you’d like to submit your vote, it’s still open. I encourage you to do so.

Filed under Tea Party Nation Tea Party politics wait what? conservative GOP spelling is important rational thought is important Iowa Iowa Caucus Voting Vote Voter guide Republican Republicans Really? Seriously? government lulz news

46 notes

They pick corn in Iowa, they actually pick Presidents here in New Hampshire.

Jon Huntsman on The Early Show this Thursday.

He’s not alone. In Observations From 20 Years of Iowa Life, University of Iowa professor Stephen Bloom questions Iowa’s role as the first caucus in the nation, writing, “Of Iowa’s 99 counties, 88 are classified as rural. Iowa’s capital and largest city is Des Moines (pop: 203,000), whose primary business is insurance. The state is 91 percent white…

The bulk of jobs here are low-income ones most Iowans don’t want. Many have simply packed up and left the state (which helps keep the unemployment rate statewide low). Those who stay in rural Iowa are often the elderly waiting to die, those too timid (or lacking in educated) to peer around the bend for better opportunities, an assortment of waste-toids and meth addicts with pale skin and rotted teeth, or those who quixotically believe, like Little Orphan Annie, that ‘The sun’ll come out tomorrow.’”

Of course, the winner in Iowa has a 50-50 shot of becoming president, but John McCain launched his come-back from New Hampshire. I suppose we’ll see, yeah?

(Source: cognitivedissonance)

Filed under New Hampshire Jon Huntsman politics Iowa GOP Stephen Bloom zing caucus Election 2012 2012 Republican Republicans Oh snap

21 notes

Add one more person to the “People for which I would like to buy a beer” list:

Just inside the grocery store next to Christmas displays, Tom Sorensen of Iowa City confronted the White House hopeful.

"We shook hands, I looked him in the eye and told him what I thought," said Sorensen, who called Gingrich an obscene name.

Sorensen, who is not sure who he’s going to vote for, said he thinks Gingrich “represents everything that’s bad about politics.” Gingrich, calmly said to him, “Well, luckily it’s a free country” and moved onto the next handshake and plea for another vote.

He called Newt a “fucking asshole.” Is it still obscene if it’s true?

And yes, Newt, we live in a “free” country - one that you aim to make less free should you be elected. I use air quotes because we clearly don’t live in an entirely “free” country when money is free speech and corporations are people. 

TPM points out an Iowan gave Newt a tamer, yet similar, sentiment with a handshake in May, telling Gingrich, “You’re an embarrassment to our party.” 

It’ll be sad to see Jon Huntsman go (if he doesn’t experience the surge the others have) because he seemed to be the only adult in the room. The others would bloviate with talking points while Huntsman stood there, half-smirking, then gave an actual answer. I suspect this is what he thinks during debates and when he sees things like Tom Sorensen’s greeting happen to other candidates:

(Source: cognitivedissonance)

Filed under Newt Gingrich Tom Sorensen Iowa politics news government GOP Election 2012 Republican Republicans U MAD BRO? I think he mad

693 notes

Really poor children, in really poor neighborhoods have no habits of working and have nobody around them who works, so they have no habit of showing up on Monday. They have no habit of staying all day, they have no habit of ‘I do this and you give me cash’ unless it is illegal.

Newt Gingrich, defending his stance that child labor laws should be repealed, on the campaign trail in Iowa. And he’s leading in several of the polls.

I can’t. I just can’t.

Why is it so easy to believe every single person in poverty - millions of Americans - are completely lazy and don’t want to work, yet it’s so incomprehensible that maybe the richest 1% are just a little too greedy and are getting coddled by Congress?!

Someone answer that. Please. Use bootstrap references and so help me Jeebus, I will reach through the internet to high five your face…

(Source: politics.blogs.foxnews.com)

Filed under Newt Gingrich Poor people can't have nice things Republican republicans politics Iowa 2012 Election 2012 Children poverty really?! STFU

474 notes

You suggested it. I created it. I give you the bingo board for a spectacular drinking game involving the GOP debate/discussion hosted by The Family Leader, Iowa&#8217;s premier anti-gay and anti-choice group. It&#8217;s this Saturday from 4-6 p.m. CST and will be live-streamed here. I&#8217;ll be live-tweeting it. Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, and Ron Paul are all confirmed to attend. Mitt Romney was invited, and Jon Huntsman was snubbed. 
The Family Leader is that heinous group of folks who brought you the misogynistic, anti-marriage equality pledge that claimed blacks were better off under slavery, and pornography should be banned.
Should be a good time&#8230; and seriously, I&#8217;m pretty sure this can be reused after the 19th.

You suggested it. I created it. I give you the bingo board for a spectacular drinking game involving the GOP debate/discussion hosted by The Family Leader, Iowa’s premier anti-gay and anti-choice group. It’s this Saturday from 4-6 p.m. CST and will be live-streamed here. I’ll be live-tweeting it. Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, and Ron Paul are all confirmed to attend. Mitt Romney was invited, and Jon Huntsman was snubbed. 

The Family Leader is that heinous group of folks who brought you the misogynistic, anti-marriage equality pledge that claimed blacks were better off under slavery, and pornography should be banned.

Should be a good time… and seriously, I’m pretty sure this can be reused after the 19th.

Filed under GOP The Family Leader politics family values BINGO Conservative conservatives Iowa will likely break my brain Michele Bachmann Herman Cain Rick Santorum Ron Paul Mitt Romney Newt Gingrich Rick Perry lulz

101 notes

Michele Bachmann, Tim Pawlenty Challenged By Gay Teen Gabe Aderhold

GOP presidential candidates Michele Bachmann and Tim Pawlenty were challenged by a gay teen at the Iowa State Fair on Friday.

At The Des Moines Register's “soapbox” venue, 17-year-old Gabe Aderhold asked Pawlenty, the former governor of Minnesota, when he was going to support gay marriage.

"I thought the country was about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for everyone, no exceptions," he asked. "Tim Pawlenty, I want to know: When will you stand up for me?"

Pawlenty responded: “The relationship between a man and a woman in a traditional marriage is important to our country, our society, our culture. I think it should remain elevated, not just in our words, but under our laws – that’s why I’ve supported laws, in fact have authored laws, to maintain marriage as between a man and a woman.”

The scrappy teen, however, continued, asking, “Why is government getting involved in our marriages?” and “Do you think I’m a second-class citizen?”

"We’re just going to have a respectful disagreement, sir," Pawlenty replied. (The video is embedded in the right panel of this page.)

Aderhold also heckled Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann, who spoke for only 3 minutes and did not take questions.

"You treat me like a second-class citizen," he shouted. "Shame on you."

"You can’t pray away the gay," he screamed at Bachmann’s husband, Marcus Bachmann, a reference to allegations that the couple’s Christian counseling centers run by Marcus attempt to "cure" gay people.

Gabe Aderhold is an incredibly brave BAMF. That is all.

Filed under Gabe Aderhold Tim Pawlenty Michele Bachmann GLBTQ GLBTQ Rights gay rights marriage equality same-sex marriage politics Iowa

19 notes

I know, vanity post. But glad to know The New York Times' political staff agrees. 
I still can&#8217;t name a winner of tonight&#8217;s debate, but I stand by my original statement: The American people were definitely the biggest losers of tonight&#8217;s debate. Possibly followed by Tim Pawlenty and Rick &#8220;Frothy&#8221; Santorum.
And I&#8217;m almost sure Tim Pawlenty and Michele Bachmann brawled in the parking lot afterwards. I would have enjoyed that more.

I know, vanity post. But glad to know The New York Times' political staff agrees. 

I still can’t name a winner of tonight’s debate, but I stand by my original statement: The American people were definitely the biggest losers of tonight’s debate. Possibly followed by Tim Pawlenty and Rick “Frothy” Santorum.

And I’m almost sure Tim Pawlenty and Michele Bachmann brawled in the parking lot afterwards. I would have enjoyed that more.

(Source: twitter.com)

Filed under Rick Santorum Tim Pawlenty Ames debate Iowa politics straw poll American people debate 2012 i can haz prezidant? Michele Bachmann

65 notes

We have people that are single, we have people that are past reproductive age, we have priests that are celibate. All of them, paying insurance premiums that cover contraceptives so that somebody else doesn’t have to pay the full fare of that? And they’ve called it preventative medicine. Preventative medicine. Well if you applied that preventative medicine universally what you end up with is you’ve prevented a generation. Preventing babies from being born is not medicine. That’s not— that’s not constructive to our culture and our civilization. If we let our birth rate get down below replacement rate we’re a dying civilization.

Rep. Steve King, (R-Iowa) on the new laws requiring insurers to cover birth control. 

So if I’m reading this right, the state needs more citizens and women are brood mares? Ask Romania how that went.

His argument is ridiculous. First, he apparently thinks single people don’t have sex. Um, they do. And by using contraception, (bear with me here) you’re being fiscally responsible by not forcing taxpayers to “pay the full fare” of your choice to have sex (I know, I know… but see how easy it is to use GOP reasoning?)

Paying insurance premiums doesn’t mean you get to select what others receive as benefits. You get to make that choice for yourself. I may never break my leg or need a tetanus shot, so GOD FORBID I pay for anyone else to get any treatment that I personally have not or will not ever receive.

And don’t even get me started on what your party has done that is not constructive to our culture and civilization… 

(Source: politicalcorrection.org)

Filed under Steve King Iowa US House politics reproductive rights insurance asshat conservative conservatives slut shaming contraception

7 notes

Iowa LGBT group targets Bob Vander Plaats for laughing at ‘fag’ joke

The largest LGBT advocacy group in Iowa has already collected more than 1,000 signatures demanding an apology from Bob Vander Plaats, head of the conservative Christian organization The Family Leader, only 24 hours after launching the petition.

ThinkProgress released video Tuesday of Vander Plaats erupting in laughter and saying, “That’s pretty good,” after someone makes the joke: “You know what my wife says? She says: Iowa, the state where you can’t smoke a fag, but you can marry one.”

His organization created the controversial marriage pledge, which was signed by Republican presidential candidates Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum.

The petition calls on Vander Plaats to apologize for his “hurtful and derogatory language.”

"The bullying tactics of Bob Vander Plaats and the Family Leader have gone too far," said Troy Price, One Iowa Executive Director. "The overwhelming response we have seen shows just how Vander Plaats’ actions have hurt loving, committed couples and their families across the state. This type of language has no place in the conversation about marriage. Bob Vander Plaats must apologize to the thousands of Iowans he has offended with his actions."

You know what to do, folks. Here’s the link to the petition.

Filed under The Family Leader politics Iowa Bob Vader Plaats asshat bigot bigotry GLBTQ gay gay rights Christianity? christians