Posts tagged Jesus
Posts tagged Jesus
If only Jesus had taken a few selfies…
Thank you, TIME, for your incredibly astute observation.
I doubt Jesus would purposefully hit up a Chick-Fil-A today just to prove to his dad how much he hates the gays. I really do.
But if he did, I can give you the Reader’s Digest version of what would happen: He’d order up a couple of chicken sandwiches and some waffle fries, maybe a fruit cup, and POOF – dinner for five thousand. Remember the loaves and fishes thing? I bet it works for chicken and waffle fries, too.
Then, Jesus would take that food and feed the poor, some of whom are likely gay and have had sex outside of marriage. Why? Because compassion. Because love. Because judge not lest ye be judged. I imagine he’d probably give y’all a little lecture about being Pharisees, though.
I’m a pretty severely lapsed Catholic, and even I get this.
In summary, you’re doing it wrong.
If you take the Bible as the word of God, and therefore true, then this is a true story… Now, I personally believe it is not a true story, and the Bible is rife with sexism and such (as demonstrated here), but this still made me giggle.
Newt the Pharisee.
I’m pretty sure this is how the 2012 GOP candidates read Jesus’ teachings.
Herman Cain discussing Jesus in his article, “The Perfect Conservative,” last year.
Okay, the whole liberals killed Jesus thing - he’s pretty clear there, and it’s, uh, a little bizarre. I have a Jewish friend still trying to figure out if this is anti-semitic because, as she said, all the Jewish people she knows are fairly liberal.
That notwithstanding, didn’t Jesus supposedly perform miracles to do things like healing the sick? Isn’t that setting the bar a little high for us non-miracle performing folk who’d just like to be able to see a doctor once in awhile?
Maybe the rallies are where this gem of a sign came from:
Kidding! (Sort of)
I guess I missed the part where Galilee had socialized medicine and Jesus was all like, “Forget you, commie doctors!” and healed the lepers in defiance of their death panel’s wishes.
I must have also missed where the ancient Israelites passed out WIC cards and Jesus said, “Lo, cast away thy cards of dependence and come onto me, for I will feed you without socialism.”
I think that must have been in the Gospel of Mark or something.
h/t to Daily Kos
Oh, Stephen Colbert… you’re so painfully correct.
I know this is from a few weeks ago, but it just gets more and more relevant.
His explanation of why he decided to play around with this is quite enlightening. Don’t let the radio handle fool you - he’s a vegetarian, very progressive, and a Buddhist. He’ll be moving to Seattle shortly, and I’ll miss him here in Wyoming.
Thanks for the giggles, my friend!
Is it just me, or does it look a little more like Osama Bin Laden? Click through for discussion on this marvelous encapsulation of America.
Hipster Jesus looks upon you with disdain.
Jesus, it seems, is a fiscal conservative. Make that a tax-cut-loving, labor-union-busting, supply-side fiscal conservative. How else to explain the presence of Tim Phillips, president of the Koch-funded Tea Party astroturf group, Americans for Prosperity, as a presenter at the Awakening conference sponsored by the religious-right group, Freedom Federation?
Now effectively in the employ of the libertarian David Koch, who founded Americans for Prosperity and chairs the board of its foundation, Phillips has deep ties to the evangelical Right, most notably with Ralph Reed, former executive director of the Rev. Pat Robertson’s Christian Coalition, who now heads a new entity, the Faith and Freedom Coalition.
Goddammit. I’m sick of this shit.
Pole dancing for Jesus. Seriously.
In other words, conservative Evangelicals react to Jesus the same way they react to everything else: “What is in it for ME?”
Now think about it. This sort of selfish mentality also informs their reactions to things like marriage equality, because people who are only concerned with themselves tend to play victim when somebody else threatens to outdo them in quality of life, love, happiness, etc. They have so long convinced themselves that they are The Elect, and that their system of morality is the best one, so it really messes them up to consider that the rest of the population has no use for their patriarchal system, for their rigid shame-inducing lifestyle, or anything else about them, really. It’s the same mentality that has retirees on Medicare joining the anti-union pitchfork-fest in Wisconsin. That’s why it’s really not surprising that conservative, fundamentalist Christians are the most likely demographic when it comes to supporting selfish, awful policies that do nothing but hurt people.
ALL OF THIS ^^^