Posts tagged Jesus
Posts tagged Jesus
I doubt Jesus would purposefully hit up a Chick-Fil-A today just to prove to his dad how much he hates the gays. I really do.
But if he did, I can give you the Reader’s Digest version of what would happen: He’d order up a couple of chicken sandwiches and some waffle fries, maybe a fruit cup, and POOF – dinner for five thousand. Remember the loaves and fishes thing? I bet it works for chicken and waffle fries, too.
Then, Jesus would take that food and feed the poor, some of whom are likely gay and have had sex outside of marriage. Why? Because compassion. Because love. Because judge not lest ye be judged. I imagine he’d probably give y’all a little lecture about being Pharisees, though.
I’m a pretty severely lapsed Catholic, and even I get this.
In summary, you’re doing it wrong.
If you take the Bible as the word of God, and therefore true, then this is a true story… Now, I personally believe it is not a true story, and the Bible is rife with sexism and such (as demonstrated here), but this still made me giggle.
Newt the Pharisee.
I’m pretty sure this is how the 2012 GOP candidates read Jesus’ teachings.
Herman Cain discussing Jesus in his article, “The Perfect Conservative,” last year.
Okay, the whole liberals killed Jesus thing - he’s pretty clear there, and it’s, uh, a little bizarre. I have a Jewish friend still trying to figure out if this is anti-semitic because, as she said, all the Jewish people she knows are fairly liberal.
That notwithstanding, didn’t Jesus supposedly perform miracles to do things like healing the sick? Isn’t that setting the bar a little high for us non-miracle performing folk who’d just like to be able to see a doctor once in awhile?
Maybe the rallies are where this gem of a sign came from:
Kidding! (Sort of)
I guess I missed the part where Galilee had socialized medicine and Jesus was all like, “Forget you, commie doctors!” and healed the lepers in defiance of their death panel’s wishes.
I must have also missed where the ancient Israelites passed out WIC cards and Jesus said, “Lo, cast away thy cards of dependence and come onto me, for I will feed you without socialism.”
I think that must have been in the Gospel of Mark or something.
h/t to Daily Kos
Oh, Stephen Colbert… you’re so painfully correct.
I know this is from a few weeks ago, but it just gets more and more relevant.