Cognitive Dissonance

"Democracy! Bah! When I hear that I reach for my feather boa!" - Allen Ginsberg

Posts tagged Kids

38 notes

Ok. I still don’t get why ANYONE would want to drink with their kids around. My 3 year old a total buzz kill. He’s like that guy in the bar that you totally avoid because he talks really loud and won’t stop touching you, or asking inane questions like ‘Why aren’t I a dinosaur? Why Mommy? Why?’ No, thank you. Getting drunk is an adults-only kind of thing for me.

The best comment about kids in bars ever, courtesy of Greer Phillips, on the article, “Beer Halls Give Last Call to Baby-Friendly Drinking Scene

Seriously, I’ve noticed this with people my age (I’m 29) and I’m just not digging the whole sharing the bar scene with baby thing. Bars in Laramie are pretty strict about the under-21 set being banned from bars except for infants for some reason. I understand a bar and grill, or even early evening in bars, but bars in a college town on Saturday nights at 11PM? Eh, no. There’s some spaces I enjoy kid-free. Greer gets it. 

Filed under kids children not everyone adores your child parenting bars

96 notes

On “selfishly” not wanting kids

Rebloggable by request!

Your a selfish cunt for not wanting kids. Does your son know you talk about him like that?
 Anonymous

Meg at Cognitive Dissonance:

First off, you are looking for “you’re” – as in “you are.” Check out Learn Your Damn Homophones for a marvelous, easy to understand explanation.

Second, no. Unless you know something I don’t know, my son has no clue I talk about him like that because I have no kids. Not unless you’re talking about my cats, in which case, yes. They know. If you’re talking about the little blonde kiddo below, as the caption explained, that’s my nephew. Charlie is delightful, until he’s not. Then he goes back to mom and dad. Charlie told me all about shoes, and green, and Elmo over Thanksgiving. He also gave me high-fives and a cold.

Third, I think it’s pretty goddamn not-selfish to acknowledge that even if many of my friends have kids, they’re not for me at the moment. I can barely feed myself some days, either due to a lack of funds, time, or both. My kids would be screwed. Don’t give me any of this “but once you have kids you’ll change your mind” bullshit. It’s a new life with 18+ years of responsibilities, not a fucking game of probability with which I wish to be that cavalier.

My husband and cats are enough for me. What would be selfish is to bring a life into the world just because judgmental asshats like yourself say I should want to, or else be labeled a selfish cunt. I’d rather be a selfish cunt versus someone’s mother. If I’m such a terrible person, do you really want me procreating at the moment? I use birth control for a reason. And hey, maybe we’ll want kids in the future.

Before anyone accuses me of it, I don’t hate kids. It’s their parents I usually find insufferable.

Cheers,

Meg

P.S. — Related post here.

Filed under Rebloggable by request anon Kids Nosy anon ask children none of your business but I'll answer anyway procreation

40 notes

Ever have one of those moments where you truly can’t help yourself?
That would be one of mine above. Background on Mittens being the Grinch that stole Halloween here. I’ve talked to several of my friends with kids about this. They’re worried that they won’t be able to take their kids, so parents are now trying to organize a group or something. I’ve seen several adults dismissing this as not a big deal, BECAUSE ZOMG ROMNEY IT’S JUST TRICK-OR-TREAT, but that’s bullshit for two big reasons:
This is a nightmare for single parents without much support. Pretty much everyone I’ve talked to who is a single parent has asked someone to take their kid(s) and gotten a no. Seriously, I don’t know that I’d say yes — kids are extremely hyper on Halloween. But I’d probably make an exception. Further, the new day falls smack in the middle of K-5 parent-teacher conferences. As one of my friends wrote, “How in the hell can I be in two places at once?”
This might not be a big deal to some adults, but to a kid, THIS IS A HUGE GODDAMN DEAL. Remember trick-or-treating? It’s one of the biggest thrills of the year, especially if you’re a working class kiddo living in suburbia. One of my friends told her daughter they might not go. She’s seven and cried herself to sleep in the living room. She was supposed to go with her friends, dressed as Disney princesses, and my friend was going to dress as the Fairy Godmother and take them. Try finding someone to take five seven-year-old girls trick-or-treating. No really. Try it.
After listening to my friends with kids stress out over this, it just pisses me off more that Romney is coming just because The Washington Post ran a feature on how the bailout saved Defiance. Another one of my friends wrote, “That is what I’m sayin!! He is just coming to do ‘damage control’ for his campaign here. Otherwise Defiance wouldn’t even be a speck on the map to him.”
She’s right.
So yeah. I couldn’t help myself when this smug sanctimommy with cutsey-named kids just HAD to share with the newspaper. 

Ever have one of those moments where you truly can’t help yourself?

That would be one of mine above. Background on Mittens being the Grinch that stole Halloween here. I’ve talked to several of my friends with kids about this. They’re worried that they won’t be able to take their kids, so parents are now trying to organize a group or something. I’ve seen several adults dismissing this as not a big deal, BECAUSE ZOMG ROMNEY IT’S JUST TRICK-OR-TREAT, but that’s bullshit for two big reasons:

This is a nightmare for single parents without much support. Pretty much everyone I’ve talked to who is a single parent has asked someone to take their kid(s) and gotten a no. Seriously, I don’t know that I’d say yes — kids are extremely hyper on Halloween. But I’d probably make an exception. Further, the new day falls smack in the middle of K-5 parent-teacher conferences. As one of my friends wrote, “How in the hell can I be in two places at once?”

This might not be a big deal to some adults, but to a kid, THIS IS A HUGE GODDAMN DEAL. Remember trick-or-treating? It’s one of the biggest thrills of the year, especially if you’re a working class kiddo living in suburbia. One of my friends told her daughter they might not go. She’s seven and cried herself to sleep in the living room. She was supposed to go with her friends, dressed as Disney princesses, and my friend was going to dress as the Fairy Godmother and take them. Try finding someone to take five seven-year-old girls trick-or-treating. No really. Try it.

After listening to my friends with kids stress out over this, it just pisses me off more that Romney is coming just because The Washington Post ran a feature on how the bailout saved Defiance. Another one of my friends wrote, “That is what I’m sayin!! He is just coming to do ‘damage control’ for his campaign here. Otherwise Defiance wouldn’t even be a speck on the map to him.”

She’s right.

So yeah. I couldn’t help myself when this smug sanctimommy with cutsey-named kids just HAD to share with the newspaper. 

Filed under Mitt Romney Politics Halloween children kids Trick or Treat Trick or treatgate Defiance Ohio GOP GM is alive and Bin Laden is dead GM General Motors

28 notes

There are many things I’ve learned working at a call center…

But this one is crucial. No matter how cute you think your kids are screeching your answering machine greeting in a far from unison fashion (“HI IT’S THE SMITH-JONES FAMILY AND WE’RE OUT DOING FAMILY STUFF GIGGLE GIGGLE…!”), it only does one thing for me: I will become more determined to call you to take my goddamn survey thanks to the ear acid to which I’ve been subjected.

It’s not cute, it’s annoying, and if anyone’s looking for you for an important reason, they’re going to wonder if they’ve reached the banshee-crossed Children of the Corn instead of a potential employee or something. Would you let your darlings answer your cell phone? Your office phone? No?

Okay, then. Maybe I’m just cranky because of this cold, but this kidlet answering service shit is getting old fast.

Cheers,
Meg

Filed under Children your kids annoy me work bitching kids answering machine

83 notes

I've reserved my spot in Hell

I'm smoking a cig before class. Suddenly, a nosy child from a field trip approaches.
Kid:
HEY!
Me:
*ignores*
Kid:
I SAID HEY!
Me:
What's up, kiddo?
Kid:
Those cigarettes are gonna kill you. That's what my mom says.
Me:
*distracted* Uh huh.
Kid:
You're going to die. My mom says cigarettes kill LOSERS! *giggles uncontrollably*
Me:
You know what else kills people?
Kid:
Being a LOSER?!
Me:
Curiosity.
Kid:
Huh?
Me:
Think about it.
Kid:
...
Me:
...
Kid:
*his eyes get wide and he walks backwards to his fellow 8-year-old menaces*
Me:
*Waves and smiles at field trip monitor*

Filed under I'm going to hell kids other people's children

35 notes

Baby Soaps and Shampoos Trigger Positive Marijuana Tests

Yikes:

Commonly used baby soaps and shampoos, including products from Johnson & Johnson, Aveeno and CVS, can trigger a positive result on newborns’ marijuana screening tests, according to a recent study. A minute amount of the cleansing products in a urine sample — just 0.1 milliliters or less — was found to cause a positive result.

Researchers at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, began studying the issue after an unusually high number of newborns in their nursery began testing positive for marijuana exposure. Newborn screening for marijuana at hospitals, particularly among babies of women who are considered at high risk of drug use, is not uncommon: at U.N.C. Chapel Hill, 10% to 40% of newborns are tested.

Positive results can precipitate an investigation by child welfare authorities. “We really did this to help protect families from being falsely accused,” study co-author Dr. Carl Seashore, a pediatrician in the U.N.C. Chapel Hill newborn nursery, toldMy Health News Daily

Researchers also tested ingredients used widely in soaps and shampoos, including polyquaternium-11 and cocamidopropyl betaine, which both elicited positive marijuana test results. So far, there is no explanation as to why the chemicals interfere with the test’s function…

Indeed, why hospitals test infants for marijuana exposure in the first place is not entirely clear. Twelve U.S. states designate prenatal exposure to any illegal drug as child abuse; however, there is no scientific evidence that connects marijuana-smoking by a parent with abuse.

The editorial raises an important point beyond marijuana use not being correlated with abuse, and the risks of unnecessary foster care — the screenings themselves are often based upon race [Emphasis mine]:

Although marijuana exposure has not been associated definitively with child harm, testing for it and placing children in foster care unnecessarily has been. Worse, the risks of custody loss are not applied equally to all women. Determining whether a mother is considered at high risk for drug use — and warrants newborn testing — is ostensibly based on objective factors like whether she failed to obtain prenatal care or has acknowledged being a drug user. But in reality, characteristics like race often dictate which women are singled out for testing: a 2007 study found that babies born to black mothers were 50% more likely to be tested than white infants, even though rates of drug use and odds of positive results didn’t vary by race.

For a list of products associated with the testing, check out the article. It’s an interesting read. Yet another reason to end the war on drugs…

Filed under drugs policy parenting kids marijuana legalize it politics North Carolina drug testing false positives

90 notes

[Image: Hi Dr. Garner. My name is K—— and my son Matthew was a little stinker today at the library. He went to play on my computer but instead he played on a student of yours computer in the library that looked just like mine but with stickers. Anyways he wrote Jesus in big letters thinking I’d be real proud of him. When your student Megan came back from the bathroom I guess he deleted a paper or something she was working on. He wanted to save it to show daddy when he got back from the store. She was real angry and said I had to email you. Anyways, please don’t fail Megan because my son wanted to do something nice. What he did was wrong and I told him so but he’s only five and real smart lol. I am emailing you the file he made to. Thank you very much.] 
So this happened yesterday… I was finishing my final for my Editing and Publishing class when I dashed to the bathroom before printing it to submit. Mind you, this is 30 minutes before it’s due. When I got back, there was a little kid on my computer, and this was where my project used to be: 

He’d already clicked save. I tried to undo. No dice. By that point, I’d been awake since 10 AM Thursday.
I told her she absolutely had to email my professor to tell her what happened. At first, she refused, saying it wasn’t that big of a deal, her son was only trying to do something nice, and sorry that inconvenienced me, etc. I told her that it *was* that big of a deal, and she rolled her eyes and agreed to do it. A screen shot of her email is posted above. 
I literally could not believe what I was reading. The “lol” was the cherry on top of that shit sundae. I posted it on Facebook, ranting about this woman’s “fuck trophy” (the profane name I call unremarkable children who do terrible things and are held up by their parents as just such wittle pwecious twophies). The 50+ comments from my friends on Facebook made my day. A sampling: 

I made one of the comments into a PSA: 

Luckily, my professor has a soul. If my professor hadn’t had said soul, I’d be putting Kathy’s last name and email on this post. 
Here’s the gist of why I’m posting this: I don’t care if you bring your kid to the main university library, even during finals week. I don’t really care much for children, but I will tolerate them. But first, teach them basic manners and not to touch other people’s shit.
Before this, I saw a parent who was doing it right. He was clearly engrossed in what looked like engineering homework, and his son was sitting next to him drawing. His son said loudly, “Hey DAD—” and before he could continue, his dad shushed him and said, “Library voice, remember? There’s a lot of people working on homework. Now what do you need?”  
Folks like Kathy, you’re doing it wrong. 

[Image: Hi Dr. Garner. My name is K—— and my son Matthew was a little stinker today at the library. He went to play on my computer but instead he played on a student of yours computer in the library that looked just like mine but with stickers. Anyways he wrote Jesus in big letters thinking I’d be real proud of him. When your student Megan came back from the bathroom I guess he deleted a paper or something she was working on. He wanted to save it to show daddy when he got back from the store. She was real angry and said I had to email you. Anyways, please don’t fail Megan because my son wanted to do something nice. What he did was wrong and I told him so but he’s only five and real smart lol. I am emailing you the file he made to. Thank you very much.]

So this happened yesterday… I was finishing my final for my Editing and Publishing class when I dashed to the bathroom before printing it to submit. Mind you, this is 30 minutes before it’s due. When I got back, there was a little kid on my computer, and this was where my project used to be: 

He’d already clicked save. I tried to undo. No dice. By that point, I’d been awake since 10 AM Thursday.

I told her she absolutely had to email my professor to tell her what happened. At first, she refused, saying it wasn’t that big of a deal, her son was only trying to do something nice, and sorry that inconvenienced me, etc. I told her that it *was* that big of a deal, and she rolled her eyes and agreed to do it. A screen shot of her email is posted above. 

I literally could not believe what I was reading. The “lol” was the cherry on top of that shit sundae. I posted it on Facebook, ranting about this woman’s “fuck trophy” (the profane name I call unremarkable children who do terrible things and are held up by their parents as just such wittle pwecious twophies). The 50+ comments from my friends on Facebook made my day. A sampling: 

I made one of the comments into a PSA: 

Luckily, my professor has a soul. If my professor hadn’t had said soul, I’d be putting Kathy’s last name and email on this post. 

Here’s the gist of why I’m posting this: I don’t care if you bring your kid to the main university library, even during finals week. I don’t really care much for children, but I will tolerate them. But first, teach them basic manners and not to touch other people’s shit.

Before this, I saw a parent who was doing it right. He was clearly engrossed in what looked like engineering homework, and his son was sitting next to him drawing. His son said loudly, “Hey DAD—” and before he could continue, his dad shushed him and said, “Library voice, remember? There’s a lot of people working on homework. Now what do you need?”  

Folks like Kathy, you’re doing it wrong. 

Filed under Library kids parenting finals University of Wyoming seriously?! your kids are not snowflakes comic sans makes me lose my shit

113 notes

I really think it’s crazy, that we hit our kids, it really is. Here’s the crazy thing about it, kids are the only people in the world, that you’re allowed to hit. Do you realize that? They’re the most vulnerable and they’re the most destroyed by being hit, but it’s totally okay to hit them. And they’re the only ones! If you hit a dog, they fucking will put you in jail for that shit. You can’t hit a person unless you can prove that they were trying to kill you, but a little tiny person with a head this big that trusts you implicitly? Fuck them, who gives a shit?

Louis CK  (via mygripmyfocus)

A-fuckin-men! I do not understand how it is acceptable to hit someone who weighs at LEAST 100 pounds less than you, just to show them that something they’ve done (like hitting) is wrong. WHAT? All it teaches is that it’s okay to use force, especially on someone weaker and smaller than you, to get what you want. Absolutely abhorrent.

(via mamavh)

Yep. You hit them too hard, and you’re the custodial parent, *oops* you’ll get a visit from family services. But only if someone saw you do it, or the aftermath. You might go to family court. By all means though, spank their asses til they’re red, it’s your right because you live in one of the few countries where spanking is still legal.

(via mamavh)

Filed under kids spanking Louis C.K. fuckery anger