Posts tagged Michele Bachmann
Posts tagged Michele Bachmann
And now they’ve all dropped out.
This means Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, and Ron Paul must be Satan’s draft picks.
MSNBC, CNN, and Fox News have exciting sound effects. They have fancy graphics. MSNBC is analyzing the campaign strategy of Rick Santorum in regards to his stops at Pizza Ranch - a chain owned by an evangelical Christian. There’s speculation on whether their patrons are going to throw the caucus.
I’m a big deal, okay?!
Token pundit: “I guarantee 80% of Iowa patrons of Pizza Ranch will vote for Santorum!”
Ed Schultz: "Well, Pizza Ranch is known in the Midwest as affordable food. It’s the food of the working man! Santorum knows this!"
It’s currently a threesome: Ron Paul with 23%, Mitt Romney with 23%, and Rick Santorum with 23% - but only 22% of the voters are counted. Soledad O’Brien is breathlessly reporting how results will be written on the official whiteboard in Clive, shouting into the mike as if she’s in a war zone. CNN is lost in a holographic imagery maze encased in flat-screens breaking it down by evangelicals both young and old, by candidate, and - I’m pretty sure this is coming - Pizza Ranch support. Wolf Blitzer praised his co-commentator for her “fabulous flick” and promised us more flicking.
Meanwhile, C-SPAN is covering the caucus at Urbandale’s Gloria Dei Lutheran Church. A first-time caucus attendee for Ron Paul drowsily described the caucus as “a very informal process where we, you know, just write out our votes on a single sheet of paper and pass them into a bucket.” A Rick Santorum supporter says he voted for Santorum to stop “European-style socialism” - a Newt talking point.
Treynor, Iowa just adjourned on C-SPAN 2 with the chair awkwardly wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
If you want to know what a caucus is really like, tune into C-SPAN. It’s not as exciting as you might think if all you paid attention to was sound effects.
I love the election cycle.
My live coverage of tonight’s GOP Debate. This is the last debate before the Iowa caucus on January 3rd. Postmortem over all the debates I’ve covered coming tomorrow, but here’s the postmortem from tonight:
Jon Huntsman for showing some balls and proclaiming: “We are getting screwed as Americans!” At least someone’s noticed. He also discussed our relationship with China as being multi-faceted, and suggested the rate of undocumented workers in the US slowing is due to it basically sucking here. Huntsman said he would not sign any “silly pledges” or attend a Trump debate. He continues to establish himself as the adult in the room.
Ron Paul for pointing out other candidates wish to declare war on Muslims, and radical Muslims want to bomb us because SURPRISE! - you bomb people and it pisses them off. He said we’re posturing on Iran, and that we cannot get involved in another war - essentially, we don’t need another Iraq. Paul shouldn’t be the voice of reason in any debate, but in today’s GOP, he is somehow that voice of reason.
Rick Perry's pharmacist. I just have a feeling, okay?
Bret Baier’s war boner for Iran because Santorum and Romney totally stroked it.
President Barack Obama because reasons. Seriously, all he has to do is play clips from this or other debates.
My uterus. All these people want to crawl up in there and dictate what goes on - it’s mine, y’all.
Michele Bachmann because she actually had to petulantly remind us she’s a serious candidate. Newt Gingrich challenged her on her shit and she said, “I’m a serious candidate for president of the United States, and my facts are accurate.” She cited PolitiFact for support, claiming that they said everything she said at the last debate was true. They disagreed.
Bachmann also said she’d bring in all the congresspeople under her wing to get things done. So new foster kids? She further called for abolishing courts who don’t follow the US Constitution and the law, forgetting that 8th Grade Civics says the judicial branch is the interpreter of law. She and Gingrich got into it after Gingrich taunted her over not knowing facts. Like Gingrich has a monopoly on facts.
Rick Perry for his bizarre claim regarding Iran coming to us through Mexico, along with Hamas, and somehow, all of them are working with drug cartels. He tried to rest on his laurels after making a Tim Tebow funny, but it didn’t work - the Tebow crack didn’t carry him through the whole thing. Defending energy policy, he said, “I like the Tenth Amendment a lot.” He said he’s beginning to enjoy debates, and that he and Obama would “get it on.” I know he meant debate-wise, but it was still squirmy. Honestly, he came off better than usual, which for Perry means the bar of expectations is buried so low in the ground, he’s gotta trip over it once in awhile. During a question on Texas agriculture, he either showed us his George W. Bush impression or was channeling Chevy Chase as Gerald Ford on SNL (“I was told there would be no math…”). I converted that moment into Rickception.
Rick Santorum because he claimed the radical theocracy in Iran was so awful and terrible, yet saw no problem with defending abolishing courts for making decisions he disagrees with on his personal religious views. He was positively bursting with braggadocio after crowing about leading the campaign to remove Iowa Supreme Court Justices for ruling bans on same-sex marriage unconstitutional.
Santorum made an odd point about Romney approving of same-sex marriage because the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court held that state may not “deny the protections, benefits and obligations conferred by civil marriage to two individuals of the same sex who wish to marry” but gave the legislature 180 days to “take such action as it may deem appropriate” before issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. In other words, make the law folks, because it’s coming down the pipe. He claimed Romney could resist the highest court in the land (at the state level).
Newt Gingrich for being a condescending a-hole to the moderators, Michele Bachmann, and the audience. His attitude is summed up as “I’m Newt Gingrich, and I know shit. I knew Reagan. I will deign to accept this invitation for a ‘debate’ but you know I’m your president.” He mentioned Reagan like some valley girls use the word “like” and argued for abolishing the federal courts when they rule in a way with which he disagrees. When Megyn Kelly pointed out former conservative attorney generals and judges have said this is dangerous, Gingrich called the courts “arrogant” and said he had a better understanding of the law than judges and lawyers because he’s a historian. Further, he was claiming Obama killed the Keystone XL Pipeline - not true.
Mitt Romney was obtuse on most points. He claimed he doesn’t want to discriminate against gay people, but pulled a Gingrich and said he believes marriage should be between a man and a woman. He was hawkish on Iran and basically said if you posture against the US, we’ll blow you up. Other than that, he was his usual Milquetoast Mittens.
America because these people all stand varying chances of being elected.
In summary: The GOP is zealous in their wish to beat Barack Obama, but forgot to find a presidential candidate. Oops.
And it’s just as fantastic as it sounds:
Watch the video:
The look of shock on her face is incredible. Elijah is brave little man, and I commend him.
ICP Meets the GOP (by punditkitchen)
Someone had to do this and it’s spectacular.
Of course the debate had to kick off with introductions. Like we had no clue who these people on stage were or why they were there…
My first thought: I cannot believe anyone but Huntsman has a serious chance. My second thought: There’s no way anyone but Huntsman should be anywhere near the nuclear football. Shit, Huntsman is the only one who can properly pronounce “nuclear” with consistency.
Herman Cain got hardly any questions, and completely, utterly boned the questions that he did answer. So much for the Cain train, folks. Cain claimed our national security has been downgraded. Obama sighed and reminded Cain about this one dude named Bin Laden. He claimed we couldn’t bomb Iran because it has mountains(?), and that if we left Afghanistan, they’d suddenly become BFFs with Iran. Further, he said we must cut off foreign aid to Africa unless we see results. Not too controversial until you place it in context - he was talking about foreign aid for prevention and treatment of HIV. He also managed to fumble Wolf Blitzer’s name, calling him “Blitz.” In short, he knows nothing about national security, places with mountains can’t be bombed because reasons, and fuck people with AIDS in Africa.
Michele Bachmann went off again about the ACLU controlling CIA interrogations under Obama. Rep. Bachmann, the ACLU would like to have a word with you. Then she launched into a strange point about terrorists and technology changing. Basically, when we first thought about terrorism, phones were attached to the wall with wires and now terrorists have cell phones. Whatever that means. She then claimed Pakistan and the Middle East have seen six attempted terrorist attacks on nuclear facilities. Bachmann also called Perry naive and claimed Obama is threatening national security by canceling the Keystone Pipeline. It’s not cancelled - the U.S. State Department ordered a new route be found for it. Plus, the governor of Nebraska called for the delay, not Obama. Yep. She kept babbling about magnets in regards to immigration.
Shorter Bachmann: Magnets. How do they work? Fuckin’ miracles. On Iraq, she claimed “We need to remember, we won the peace in Iraq. And now President Obama is intentionally choosing to give that peace away.” Uh-huh. Her true gem was when she said she knows all about existential threats. I’m sure Bachmann knows all about existential threats. I question her existence as a serious candidate often.
Jon Huntsman came out strong. He was emphatic that the military buildup overseas and defense budget we are currently running is unnecessary and repeated that any nation building must first begin at home. Huntsman also said strengthening the PATRIOT Act is not the best national security policy because it involves forfeiture of liberties at home - a point introduced by Ron Paul. He called for negotiation with both allies and enemies. Huntsman also ripped Romney a new one after Romney accused Huntsman of wanting America to fail because he suggested drawing down troops in Afghanistan and Iraq. According to Huntsman, indefinite war is expensive and makes us no friends. Who knew? Essentially, his opinions were well-reasoned, thought-out policy positions versus talking points, and he’ll never succeed in the polls with the current GOP. He has the best quote of the night:
"I have to say that our biggest problem is right here at home. And you can see it on every street corner. It’s called joblessness. It’s called lack of opportunity. It’s called debt, that has become a national security problem in this country. And it’s also called a trust deficit, a Congress that nobody believes in anymore, an executive branch that has no leadership, institutions of power that we no longer believe in. How can we have any effect on foreign policy abroad when we are so weak at home? We have no choice. We’ve got to get on our feet here domestically."
Newt Gingrich bloviated whenever the camera was on him. His speech was slurred and he lost his train of thought a few times, but compared to Perry, etc. he was put together. Personally, I thought Newt looked exhausted or ill. He finally found his pet moderator, Wolf Blitzer. Blitzer kissed his ass several times, with questions like, “Mr. Speaker, I remember you and Reagan did x…” and turned to Newt for historical “fact” - until Blitzer led him into the minefield of immigration. Suddenly, friends off. Gingrich posited a fairly reasonable solution (compared to others) in regards to immigration, though after reactions from other candidates, he became slightly incoherent. His idea was that immigrants found to be undocumented, who have close ties to the U.S., would not necessarily be deported. Slightly less radical than Cain’s electric fence. The other candidates pushed him off the moment of compassion, and as soon as CNN started their post-debate coverage, he was all about take-backs with his immigration stance. He also made an odd point about defeating Nazis with our natural resources like oil and our confidence. Gingrich called Ron Paul “my friend” and I think Paul nearly came over the podium.
Ron Paul continued his powerful performance in the debates. He unequivocally opposed the extension of the PATRIOT Act and said we need to get out of the conflicts we’re involved in due to expense and the fact that we’re not directly threatened by any countries with which we’re currently engaged. Paul stated the PATRIOT Act undermines liberty and when several candidates endorsed profiling Muslims (really) Paul just about lost it. He emphasized white people, specifically, American white people, have committed acts of terrorism as well. Remember Timothy McVeigh? Ron Paul does. He also refused to pander to the pro-Israel folks, saying Israel can stand on its own and if it attacks other countries, it should pay the price like any other nation. Paul also said we should end the war on drugs immediately, particularly for medical marijuana patients. Too bad his compassion doesn’t extend farther. Say what you will about Paul, at least he’s consistent. Then he went all Grampa Simpson and said we should export the free market to Africa. We did. It’s called exploitation.
Rick Perry got little airtime. He had the same night Cain did. Perry kept harping about sanctioning Iran’s bank, which the Obama administration stopped just short of doing recently. He criticized the Obama administration for being ineffective, yet praised “our security forces” in regards to stopping recent terroristic threats. Apparently, he’s forgotten Obama is still the commander-and-chief. He finally said that intelligence under the Obama administration has been a failure, apparently forgetting about Osama bin Laden. Perry wants to make TSA more effective by privatizing it, because TSA’s main problem is unions. He endorsed racial profiling like nearly every other candidate. He also said Obama’s debt committee failure was because of the trigger (a republican measure - remember Boehner said they got 98% of what they wanted). His explanation:
"So the idea that you can’t sit down and work with people on both sides of the aisle, but just to, you know, throw us into — into that briar patch at this particular point in time and say, what would you do — we would never have gotten into that situation if I were the president of the United States. I’d have been there working day in and day out so that we had a budget that not only — I’ve laid out a clear plan to — flat tax of 20 percent; cut the spending; and put a 20 percent corporate tax rate in. And, as a matter of fact, they ought to make the legislature, the Congress, part-time, and that would make as big an impact in this city as anything I can think of."
So yeah, if you can parse that, more power to you.
Mitt Romney was slicker than usual. He didn’t have the tousled hair of a few debates ago. He looked like a presidential Ken doll. Romney suggested TSA needs to be more efficient with pat downs and that some folks could go through faster than others. Oh, and maybe we don’t need to do pat-downs but whatever, sure, next talking point. This caught my attention (emphasis mine):
We need tools when war is waged domestically to ensure that as president of the United States you can fulfill your first responsibility which is to protect the life, liberty and property of American citizens and defend them from foes domestic and foreign. That means yes we’ll use the constitution and criminal law for those people who commit crimes but those who commit war and attack the United States and pursue treason of various kinds we will use instead a very different form of law which is the law afforded to those who are fighting America.
What law? That’s called the Geneva Convention first off - and Romney’s endorsed torture. This is some serious pandering. What about Americans suspected of terrorism? Is that the same as treason? Scary shit, folks. Romney also mispronounced “modernity” multiple times and I feel that says a lot about the GOP. He pointed out America’s approval rating in Pakistan is 12% and we should work with them. I don’t see why Romney is too worried - that’s three points above Congress in a recent CBS/New York Times poll.
Rick Santorum is batshit. Period. I’ll just give a sample of what he said…
On profiling: "Well, the folks who are most likely to be committing these crimes. If you look at — I mean, obviously, it was — obviously, Muslims would be — would be someone you’d look at, absolutely. Those are the folks who are — the radical Muslims are the people that are committing these crimes, as we’ve — by and large, as well as younger males. I mean, these are things that — not exclusively — but these are things that you profile to — to find your best — the most likely candidate."
On holy war: “We are not fighting a war on terrorism. Terrorism is a tactic. We’re fighting a war against radical Islam.”
On redefining geography: ”Africa was a country on the brink. On the brink of complete meltdown and chaos, which would have been fertile ground for the radical Islamists to be able to — to get — to get a foothold.”
On alliances: ”Well, I’ve spent a lot of time and concern — and Rick mentioned this earlier — about what’s going on in Central and South America. I’m very concerned about the militant socialists and there — and the radical Islamists joining together, bonding together. I’m concerned about the spread of socialism and that this administration, with — time after time, whether it was the delay in moving forward on Colombia’s free trade agreement, whether it was turning our back to the Hondurans and standing up for democracy and the — and the rule of law. And we took the side with Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro for a corrupt President. We’ve sent all the wrong signals to Central and South America.”
Winners: Jon Huntsman, Ron Paul, Magnets, the ACLU, Barack Obama
Losers: Brown people who wish to fly without being profiled, liberty, Americans living in poverty, Herman Cain
Here’s my comments during the debate:
In the CNN debate over national security, Michele Bachmann made an eyebrow-raising declaration. From The National Journal:
Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann serves on the House Intelligence Committee, so her comments on Pakistan’s nuclear program represent either a news-making leak of previously unknown classified information or another in her recent series of seemingly-random, and highly inaccurate, public comments. During the CNN debate, Bachmann said that 15 Pakistani nuclear sites were vulnerable to jihadist attacks, and that six of the sites had previously come under some form of Islamist attack. U.S. intelligence and military officials believe that Pakistan has 15 nuclear sites, but no U.S. official has publicly said that all of the sites were vulnerable to militant attack or confirmed that any of them had previously come under any form of jihadist attack.
Hmmm… knowing Michele Bachmann, either could be likely and it’s quite terrifying that she has access to classified information.