Cognitive Dissonance

"Democracy! Bah! When I hear that I reach for my feather boa!" - Allen Ginsberg

Posts tagged Twilight blows

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First off, the author creates a main character which is an empty shell. Her appearance isn’t described in detail; that way, any female can slip into it and easily fantasize about being this person. I read 400 pages of that book and barely had any idea of what the main character looked like; as far as I was concerned she was a giant Lego brick. Appearance aside, her personality is portrayed as insecure, fumbling, and awkward - a combination anyone who ever went through puberty can relate to. By creating this “empty shell,” the character becomes less of a person and more of something a female reader can put on and wear. Because I forgot her name (I think it was Barbara or Brando or something like that), I’m going to refer to her as “Pants” from here on out.
The Oatmeal “How Twilight Works”

I waste so much time on this site. 

First off, the author creates a main character which is an empty shell. Her appearance isn’t described in detail; that way, any female can slip into it and easily fantasize about being this person. I read 400 pages of that book and barely had any idea of what the main character looked like; as far as I was concerned she was a giant Lego brick. Appearance aside, her personality is portrayed as insecure, fumbling, and awkward - a combination anyone who ever went through puberty can relate to. By creating this “empty shell,” the character becomes less of a person and more of something a female reader can put on and wear. Because I forgot her name (I think it was Barbara or Brando or something like that), I’m going to refer to her as “Pants” from here on out.

The Oatmeal “How Twilight Works”

I waste so much time on this site. 

Filed under The Oatmeal Twilight twilight still sucks Twilight blows Gross This is not literature this is why we can't have nice things

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How did I not know this existed?!
“Riding the lofty coattails of the international tween sensation, TAINTLIGHT is the tale of Stella, a young girl who falls in love with an ancient, beautifully-behaired bloodsucker named Edgar. They struggle to stay together in the midst of vampire carnage, but a love triangle bubbles up when a Michael Jackson-loving werewolf named Jack comes forward professing his own love for Stella. Meanwhile, a rival group of “real” vampires led by the evil Razor McBleed are on the prowl, looking to put the stake to Edgar so they can feast on Stella and the rest of Bonejack Heights in this over the top horror parody with tongue firmly in cheek!” 

How did I not know this existed?!

Riding the lofty coattails of the international tween sensation, TAINTLIGHT is the tale of Stella, a young girl who falls in love with an ancient, beautifully-behaired bloodsucker named Edgar. They struggle to stay together in the midst of vampire carnage, but a love triangle bubbles up when a Michael Jackson-loving werewolf named Jack comes forward professing his own love for Stella. Meanwhile, a rival group of “real” vampires led by the evil Razor McBleed are on the prowl, looking to put the stake to Edgar so they can feast on Stella and the rest of Bonejack Heights in this over the top horror parody with tongue firmly in cheek!” 

Filed under Twilight blows porn parody