Cognitive Dissonance

"Democracy! Bah! When I hear that I reach for my feather boa!" - Allen Ginsberg

Posts tagged ask box

48 notes

On the ask box

Lately, I’m noticing a trend in people getting hostile if I don’t answer their asks within a few days, so I’m saying something I’ve said many times:

I don’t owe you an answer or a response.

I’m grateful for the followers I have, and I’m stoked that so many of you dig what I post. I sometimes get several hundred asks a day. There are 84,545 people following this site as of June 22, 3:00 PM PST. This site is not something I get paid for, but I do it because I enjoy it. As such, I have to work, and I do like to spend time with my family and friends.

I use the queue to keep it active, so please don’t write in to say, “I know you’re there because you just posted!” I actually might not be at my computer or phone.

I’m thrilled so many people write in, but when you write in with a complex question, please understand that yours is one of many and I want to give a well thought out response. If you write in again to ask if I got your message, or to say “If you don’t answer I’m giving up,” or “Why won’t you answer, are you afraid to answer me?” — I am not moving your question up. Quite the opposite. I tend to figure you’re actually trying to pick a fight — with the exception of asking if I got it, because I really, really wish that Tumblr would give some kind of notification that an ask has been delivered.

If you ask me a general question, like “Do you think Obama is a good president?” or “Why don’t you like John Green?” or “What’s your favorite color?”, please understand that a question like that is actually harder to answer than something like, ” What do you think about the Obama administration’s inability to pass comprehensive immigration reform?”

I am not intentionally ignoring people. Believe it or not, I’ve read every ask in my inbox. Last year, I had to finally turn anon off because it got pretty heinous. Most of y’all are pretty nice about the ask box now. However, bugging me repeatedly about answering your ask, reading it, making accusations because I haven’t answered you, etc. needs to stop like yesterday.

I haven’t posted many in the past couple of months because I’ve mainly been on mobile due to being incredibly busy and moving a couple of times. Things are calming down a bit, but I’ve been going through some pretty rough shit. I don’t really post anything about where I live, work, if I’m in school, etc. any longer because there’s a few people out there who’ve taken their harassment into real life and it’s not safe for me to post information like that. So if you ask me things like that, please don’t be offended by the fact that I no longer answer those types of questions privately or not.

In conclusion, I’m really glad you guys want to write in, but this is a labor of love here. I’m not getting paid for this, I have to pay bills, etc. so I’m not available much during the week. I do some freelance work and that has to take priority. Yes, I would love to answer most of your questions but there’s a massive amount of them. Please cut me some slack because I’m one person behind a keyboard (or a phone) with only 24 hours in a day. So thank you and remember, you guys reading and sharing keeps this site going! Thank you for being fabulous folks!


Filed under personal ask box

8 notes

Anonymous asked: I don't want to be nosy, but are you doing alright financially? I know you just had your appendix out and had trouble a month or two ago with making ends meet, and you're too awesome to run outta dough.

Thank you for asking! No, we’re pretty shaky at the moment. I had to take nearly two weeks off from work. We will likely have difficulty paying rent on the first, we’re behind on the car payment, and the bill hasn’t arrived yet.

I was going to put up a donation ask once the bills arrived for the surgeon and the hospital. I might be able to get some written off, and I had the less-then-stellar Student Medical Insurance from UW, so I’m not sure how much I owe at this point. My in-laws were kind enough to help some, but it’s likely we will fall behind in the next two weeks.

Two steps forward, one step back. And sometimes it’s the other way around. If there is anyone out there who is willing to help us, I would be very grateful. We were just recovering from a pretty nasty financial hit when I needed emergency surgery. If you are able to donate, please use the box on the sidebar or click here (through March 7), or you can use my PayPal email:

I’ll be posting a new page via WePay because ChipIn is shutting down on March 7th. I’ll also be keeping readers up to date.

Thank you to everyone in advance. I know we’re going to be hanging off a cliff in the next week or two, and if you want to throw us a rope, we would be incredibly grateful. 



Filed under please help anon ask box ask donate

24 notes

perksofpilotry asked: I worked at the Sheridan Perkins for about three weeks in my first year of college. It was absolutely awful. I hated that place and I still don't like going there.

I almost got fired because I fainted in the middle of Mother’s Day breakfast service. I tried to call in sick with a fever of 102°F and they told me to come in or be fired. I did, and at about 11:30 AM, I turned to tell a coworker that I felt strange. The next thing I know, this kind old lady is asking for cool rags and an ambulance. I was scheduled from 8AM-8PM, and while I was in the ER, my phone rang constantly. I finally told them I wouldn’t be back that day because I had a concussion and the flu.

The manager said I was fired if I didn’t come back and do my side work, and he was pooling my tips I left behind among everyone. He was talking about credit card tips from already cashed-out tables. So I went back and rolled silverware while on painkillers. I kept messing up, so they sent me home and erased all my hours for the next two weeks since I “obviously didn’t want to work.”

I worked there for two years total until I just couldn’t take it any longer. I got stiffed on a party of 17, and I quit the next day.

It was the worst place I ever worked, and as a floor leader, I still made only $2.63/hr. Glad you only stayed three weeks. And fuck people who don’t tip. Truly. Even with truly shit service I tip because you never know who’s having the worst day ever, who’s ill, or who just started yesterday.


Filed under minimum wage poverty Perkins worst job ever ask ask box restaurant

10 notes

b-rar asked: My school gave me a financial aid award in the amount of $0.00. I was required to log into the portal to "accept" it.

I would be so fucking angry. I just can’t deal with that kind of fuckery.



Filed under b-rar ask ask box

11 notes

Anonymous asked: My pell grants are 5500 a year.

Why would you write in to tell me that? To gloat? 

Piss off, anon. Not all of us are as lucky as you.



Filed under Anonymous ask ask box

8 notes

Anonymous asked: why is your pell grant so low? i thought pell grants were $2400 a semester? did congress cut funding to it or something?

They are $2775 per semester, but yes. They’ve been cut for many students.

Here’s an explanation:

When Republicans took the House majority in 2011, the first piece of legislation passed included $5.7 billion cut to Pell Grants, though the bill never made it through the Senate. Later, however, Pell Grants were cut during the debt ceiling debacle in the summer of 2011.

Then, in December 2011, when a government shutdown was looming, the deal congressional leaders struck included a provision which preserved the maximum Pell Grant, but reduced eligibility to use them from 18 semesters to 12. An estimated 62,000 to 100,000 students could be hurt by this change.

It doesn’t matter if you went full-time, part-time, or somewhere in the middle — if you use the Pell, it counts toward your limit. I knew I had 18 semesters, so when I was going to school part-time and working full-time, I expected it not to be a problem.

I’m not sure what wizardry financial aid did in the fall, but I wasn’t even supposed to get it then. But it ended this semester, not only for me, but several other people I know who are parents going part-time, or those who’ve worked full-time like I did.



Filed under Anonymous ask ask box

57 notes

Anonymous asked: Do you actually know what all those articles mean or say? You're a DJ. Or whatever you are.

Well, I have a degree in psychology, will graduate with my degree in Criminal Justice this spring, and I focused primarily on the intersection between social psychology, policy, and the law in my undergrad research. I also researched various forms of media and its effects on different demographics and balanced it all with a pre-law concentration focusing on conflict theory and economics.

So yes, I’m a DJ, but I also understand the implications of the articles and their methodology/conclusions.

In conclusion, piss off.



Filed under Anonymous ask ask box

58 notes

Anonymous asked: Not every man is a gentleman like me and what do you do if you meet one unarmed? Especially when girls like you screech about the right for other girls to dress like rape bait. What's more feminist then carrying a gun and being able to protect yourself instead of relying on policeMEN to do it for you? I'm serious.


1. You are not a gentleman. 

2. “Rape bait” — or people can wear whatever the fuck they want because you don’t get to rape people and blame it on them. If you’re calling women “rape bait,” it leads me to believe you’ve thought about it at least once. At the very least, you’re a misogynist who actively perpetuates rape culture. 

3. Really? “PoliceMEN?” Are you fucking kidding me? Did you know there’s female cops? And we women can even wear pants now, too!

4. What’s more feminist is to work to end sexual violence, plus identifying and prosecuting perpetrators. And how about teaching people not to rape and assault others, versus pithy self-defense statements that put the responsibility of a rape on the victim who didn’t try hard enough, fight back, carry keys between the fingers, walked in the dark, had a vagina, didn’t have a vagina, was too young, too old, etc… 

How about that?

And by the way, referring to women as “rape bait,” and insinuating we need guns and turtlenecks to protect ourselves from heterosexual men unable to control themselves at the sight of our flesh is a rather insulting view of male sexuality, isn’t it?

I could say more, but I doubt you’re truly serious. If you were, I might take you seriously.



Filed under Anonymous ask ask box

25 notes

Anonymous asked: I'm kind of embarassed that I don't get this, but I've seen a bunch of feminist sites referring to guys in fedoras "mansplaining" things. I think you've said something about this too. Is this a meme or some kind of website of guys in fedoras? Or something?

Kind of. It’s mocking the tendency of “sensitive” guys bitching about the friendzone or explaining how women should feel, think, act, etc. Either that, or anointing themselves as experts on feminism because they took a women’s studies class once upon a time. The whole fedora thing comes in because these guys are, for some reason, frequently wearing fedoras. Please see this flowchart. And Fedoras of Ok Cupid.

Here’s a real-life example of this from my own Facebook back in December. Meet Wiley. Here’s his FB profile pic:


He decided to completely jack one of my statuses to splice apart a joke after engaging my friend, Will, on correlation versus causation, social sciences, etc. And then things escalated quickly. (Note: This is copied from notification emails since his responses to the original post were deleted):

Wiley: ”I think we’ve established a pretty strong correlation between criticism and an emotional response here. Though, of course, the cause may be debatable.”

Me: ”No, actually I’m sick of people telling me that I don’t need to get angry and it’s not an emotional response to criticism, it’s annoyance at the need to splice a joke. I bet Wiley’s great at comedy shows.

Comic: ‘So the other day, I was eating pasta with my mom…’
Comic: ‘Well, it was orzo, but…’ 
Wiley: ‘That’s often mistaken for rice, are you sure it wasn’t rice?’”

Wiley: “A hypothetical: perhaps people tell you that you don’t need to get angry because you seem to be angry a lot? Funny you’d mention comedy shows, I saw your last one. Also angry. Do you get more listeners for your radio show by making fun of everyone that disagrees with you, or does it just help you feel better about yourself? You may be correct about some things, but the presentation often leaves a bit to be desired, in my opinion. Though, of course, I will probably ‘the douchebag of the week’ again, for (once again) making irrefutably valid points in a public forum. I eagerly await a trademark vitriolic response.”

Me: “You’ve obviously never listened to my show nor read my website. For some reason, over 26,000 people found my site worth following. Pretty sure that wouldn’t happen if I were just an emotional harridan. And need I remind you, you resorted to calling me emotional.

Without writing a dissertation on feminism, isn’t it interesting that as an outspoken woman, I’m frequently told ‘don’t be so angry’ because anger can never be acceptable for women… it’s always just us being emotional.

Don’t flatter yourself and think you’ll be d-bag of the week. That’s typically reserved for people who are d-bags with actual impact in the public sphere. I’m not sure I’m the one attempting to feel better about myself here. You felt the need to statusjack and continue on trying to prove your intellectual superiority even though Will has clearly demonstrated you’re wrong.”

Wiley: ”I think you devalue legitimate feminism by trying to stretch it to fit this situation… And I’ll add that you’re not helping your case.”

Will: ”Your claimed ‘irrefutably legitimate points’ have little to no value to anyone on this thread besides yourself. I don’t think you are convincing anyone that you have any legitimate criticisms or ideas worth talking about. You are simply being an antagonist.

Wiley: ”That is abundantly obvious. I do like to poke the bear. Especially when it responds in such a predictable fashion. For what it’s worth, Will, I thought your responses were at least well-reasoned and intellectually challenging. Also, Meg is fully capable of ‘unfriending’ or ignoring me whenever she deems it wise.”

Me: “Please don’t call me an it. And it’s on me to ignore you being an ass, not on you to just not be an ass. Got it. I’m going to go make my man a sandwich and be barefoot in the kitchen now. My worth has been clearly established today.”

Wiley: ”Implying that I’m a misogynist really does give you credibility, doesn’t it?”

On feminism from his own blog

"An easy illustration of the paradox inherent to attempting to achieve individual freedom through uniformity/conformity is the institution/ideology of feminism. By defining as its primary power base a group which composes more than 50% of the world’s population, feminism utilizes a tried and true tactic (power by numbers) to solidify its claim as a formidable force in the fields of political advocacy and philosophy (more specifically, ethics)…

The risk factors for increasingly authoritarian behavior are abundantly obvious in this case: (1) the denunciation of the ‘other’ (in this case males and non-feminist females) implied by the exclusivity of the ideal, (2) inflexibility and hostility caused by negativistic associations with all things male… I do not wish to imply that feminists are closet dictators, or anything of the sort. Instead I mean to encourage all activists and those in the social justice fields to consider that exclusive advocacy of rights is tantamount to denial of rights to others…”

Interestingly, I was sent the link to Wiley’s blog by a woman who wished to remain anonymous. The catalyst for her sending it was that she saw him harassing me online (or poking the bear, as he calls it) and it made her angry because he allegedly said some pretty disgusting shit to her and her partner at a local bar after he discovered they were lesbians and seemed pissed because he bought her a beer. She’s apparently a friend of mine, but she submitted it under a fake name and email as far as I can tell.

To me, this demonstrates the power of online harassment of women (or PoC, LGBTQA people, etc.) under the guise of explaining things/having fun. Wiley can’t (or won’t) see how his actions are misogynist, and it’s on myself and other women to just get the joke, and not be so emotional and angry about it. Also, he claims one of feminism’s biggest problems is that it has “negativistic associations with all things male” — essentially, it’s a bunch of man-hating harpies and that makes me sad. Let’s not forget that advocating rights for one group is apparently denying rights to another — please tell me how advocating for rights for LGBTQA people, i.e. the same rights that WASPy straight men have, is somehow denying rights to someone else?

And as you can see in the above photo, he’s wearing a fedora. 

The tl;dr version: This is a thing, and it’s usually know-it-all straight white asshats in fedoras telling other people how to act, think, and feel, and simultaneously being able to deny that’s what they are doing because they’re “just saying” and are “nice guys” always stuck in the friendzone, so obviously they don’t feel that way about said group they’re denouncing.



Filed under Anonymous ask ask box

27 notes

Anonymous asked: You fucking feminists are full of shit and misandry

Oh, hi there anon! Glad you could crawl out from under your rock to join us.

I made you something:


Surprise! Your own gif to use when you get SO MAD YOU GUISE! 



Filed under Anonymous ask ask box

25 notes

jazzarchy asked: Oh man, me and my girlfriend save our coins too! It's such an easy way to finance cool dates like that. Cool to see other people are craftily frugal as well!

Haha, thanks! We had a gallon bag that was half full when I took it to the bank. It was over $60, it took months to save, and it’s our fun money.

I know there’s buzzkills out there who would say, “BUT YOU’RE POOR AND POOR PEOPLE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS LIKE DATES” — I have one response for that:



Filed under thedailydissident ask ask box

20 notes

turpentine-and-lace asked: I feel sick. That "Through a Rapist's Eyes" is making rounds on Facebook. An incredible amount of victim-shaming is featured and many women take the "advice" featured to heart. What can I do to discourage the sharing of this triggering article?

This is a tough one, but I would suggest creating a status or Facebook post detailing why articles of this nature should not necessarily be shared, especially without some kind of warning as to its content. 

Further, if you see it being shared, I would comment with what you just wrote above, and perhaps explain how this can be triggering to someone. It’s very difficult to discourage the sharing of something on something like Facebook, especially when friends of friends can share a post exponentially in a matter of hours. 

You can also post the information for RAINN ( and the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1.800.656.HOPE(4673)

It’s important to speak your piece on this and then probably leave it alone, unless someone wants to actually engage in productive conversation versus people detailing how their mother’s hairdresser’s first cousin twice removed once heard about this guy getting falsely accused of rape and totally ruined his life forever and ever and women are just looking for attention, etc. 



Filed under turpentine-and-lace ask ask box

28 notes

legally-bitchtastic asked: Nothing says "I'm a reasonable person able to state my stance in a way that doesn't make me look like a sociopath" like threatening to rape someone with a firearm.

Oh yes, it assures me that you are goddamn adult in search of reasonable policy discussion.

I think threats of violence will make me take anon more seriously, said no one ever.



Filed under name-em-shame-em ask ask box

29 notes

Anonymous asked: I wouldn't fuck you with someone else's dick but I would fuck you with the barrel of my AR-15. Piss off, OP.


About that…


By the way, if you’re going to hit up the askhole with insults, either don’t steal one from someone who reblogged the post that made you madfaced (likely this or this), or don’t be that person that reblogs it and then decides to send the same comment anon, just more boorish.



P.S. — Way to be one of the poster children for a gun registry and an assault rifle ban. 

Filed under Anonymous ask ask box