Cognitive Dissonance

"Democracy! Bah! When I hear that I reach for my feather boa!" - Allen Ginsberg

Posts tagged children

229 notes

Your kids will run with your bullshit explanation

I got a gift certificate for food at a local restaurant today. Having walked several miles after eating just a small bowl of shredded wheat, I booked it there and was eating a delicious plate of chicken teriyaki. A little girl waved at me from the table in front of me, and I waved back. Her mother tapped her hand and said, “Don’t wave at strangers.”

The little girl asked why, and said she waved because I was eating by myself and not with my family. Instead of answering with something like “Maybe her family doesn’t live here” or “Because she wants to”, Mama Bear answers, “Maybe she isn’t lucky enough to have a family that loves her like you do, or maybe her family is mad at her for asking too many questions and not eating her dinner.” I rolled my eyes.

The girl replied, “That’s sad mommy,” and contemplated this for a second. She then looked at me and shouted, loud enough for the entire place to hear, “I’M SORRY YOU DON’T HAVE A FAMILY MRS PERSON!”

I thought her mother was going to die of embarrassment. Give your kids a bullshit, half-insulting answer, expect them to make sure your ass ends up mortified. 

Bravo, wee one. Bravo.

Filed under children parents family lulz your kids will embarass you

31 notes

Preteen Boy Holds Up Lemonade Stand with a BB Gun

Police in Johnstown, Pennsylvania, say a 12-year-old boy armed with a BB gun robbed a local lemonade stand being run by a group of younger boys.

According to Johnstown Sgt. Patrick Goggin, the preteen approached the stand and pointed a gun at a 10-year-old boy, threatening to shoot if the other boys didn’t hand over the money they had earned selling lemonade.

A scuffle ensued, but the suspect still managed to make away with a money box containing some $30.

If only there had been a good guy with a gun, amirite? In all seriousness, the kid with the BB gun could have been in danger had an adult with a gun been nearby or the police a little more trigger happy…

Filed under crime guns children pennsylvania

38 notes

Ok. I still don’t get why ANYONE would want to drink with their kids around. My 3 year old a total buzz kill. He’s like that guy in the bar that you totally avoid because he talks really loud and won’t stop touching you, or asking inane questions like ‘Why aren’t I a dinosaur? Why Mommy? Why?’ No, thank you. Getting drunk is an adults-only kind of thing for me.

The best comment about kids in bars ever, courtesy of Greer Phillips, on the article, “Beer Halls Give Last Call to Baby-Friendly Drinking Scene

Seriously, I’ve noticed this with people my age (I’m 29) and I’m just not digging the whole sharing the bar scene with baby thing. Bars in Laramie are pretty strict about the under-21 set being banned from bars except for infants for some reason. I understand a bar and grill, or even early evening in bars, but bars in a college town on Saturday nights at 11PM? Eh, no. There’s some spaces I enjoy kid-free. Greer gets it. 

Filed under kids children not everyone adores your child parenting bars

96 notes

On “selfishly” not wanting kids

Rebloggable by request!

Your a selfish cunt for not wanting kids. Does your son know you talk about him like that?
 Anonymous

Meg at Cognitive Dissonance:

First off, you are looking for “you’re” – as in “you are.” Check out Learn Your Damn Homophones for a marvelous, easy to understand explanation.

Second, no. Unless you know something I don’t know, my son has no clue I talk about him like that because I have no kids. Not unless you’re talking about my cats, in which case, yes. They know. If you’re talking about the little blonde kiddo below, as the caption explained, that’s my nephew. Charlie is delightful, until he’s not. Then he goes back to mom and dad. Charlie told me all about shoes, and green, and Elmo over Thanksgiving. He also gave me high-fives and a cold.

Third, I think it’s pretty goddamn not-selfish to acknowledge that even if many of my friends have kids, they’re not for me at the moment. I can barely feed myself some days, either due to a lack of funds, time, or both. My kids would be screwed. Don’t give me any of this “but once you have kids you’ll change your mind” bullshit. It’s a new life with 18+ years of responsibilities, not a fucking game of probability with which I wish to be that cavalier.

My husband and cats are enough for me. What would be selfish is to bring a life into the world just because judgmental asshats like yourself say I should want to, or else be labeled a selfish cunt. I’d rather be a selfish cunt versus someone’s mother. If I’m such a terrible person, do you really want me procreating at the moment? I use birth control for a reason. And hey, maybe we’ll want kids in the future.

Before anyone accuses me of it, I don’t hate kids. It’s their parents I usually find insufferable.

Cheers,

Meg

P.S. — Related post here.

Filed under Rebloggable by request anon Kids Nosy anon ask children none of your business but I'll answer anyway procreation

40 notes

Ever have one of those moments where you truly can’t help yourself?
That would be one of mine above. Background on Mittens being the Grinch that stole Halloween here. I’ve talked to several of my friends with kids about this. They’re worried that they won’t be able to take their kids, so parents are now trying to organize a group or something. I’ve seen several adults dismissing this as not a big deal, BECAUSE ZOMG ROMNEY IT’S JUST TRICK-OR-TREAT, but that’s bullshit for two big reasons:
This is a nightmare for single parents without much support. Pretty much everyone I’ve talked to who is a single parent has asked someone to take their kid(s) and gotten a no. Seriously, I don’t know that I’d say yes — kids are extremely hyper on Halloween. But I’d probably make an exception. Further, the new day falls smack in the middle of K-5 parent-teacher conferences. As one of my friends wrote, “How in the hell can I be in two places at once?”
This might not be a big deal to some adults, but to a kid, THIS IS A HUGE GODDAMN DEAL. Remember trick-or-treating? It’s one of the biggest thrills of the year, especially if you’re a working class kiddo living in suburbia. One of my friends told her daughter they might not go. She’s seven and cried herself to sleep in the living room. She was supposed to go with her friends, dressed as Disney princesses, and my friend was going to dress as the Fairy Godmother and take them. Try finding someone to take five seven-year-old girls trick-or-treating. No really. Try it.
After listening to my friends with kids stress out over this, it just pisses me off more that Romney is coming just because The Washington Post ran a feature on how the bailout saved Defiance. Another one of my friends wrote, “That is what I’m sayin!! He is just coming to do ‘damage control’ for his campaign here. Otherwise Defiance wouldn’t even be a speck on the map to him.”
She’s right.
So yeah. I couldn’t help myself when this smug sanctimommy with cutsey-named kids just HAD to share with the newspaper. 

Ever have one of those moments where you truly can’t help yourself?

That would be one of mine above. Background on Mittens being the Grinch that stole Halloween here. I’ve talked to several of my friends with kids about this. They’re worried that they won’t be able to take their kids, so parents are now trying to organize a group or something. I’ve seen several adults dismissing this as not a big deal, BECAUSE ZOMG ROMNEY IT’S JUST TRICK-OR-TREAT, but that’s bullshit for two big reasons:

This is a nightmare for single parents without much support. Pretty much everyone I’ve talked to who is a single parent has asked someone to take their kid(s) and gotten a no. Seriously, I don’t know that I’d say yes — kids are extremely hyper on Halloween. But I’d probably make an exception. Further, the new day falls smack in the middle of K-5 parent-teacher conferences. As one of my friends wrote, “How in the hell can I be in two places at once?”

This might not be a big deal to some adults, but to a kid, THIS IS A HUGE GODDAMN DEAL. Remember trick-or-treating? It’s one of the biggest thrills of the year, especially if you’re a working class kiddo living in suburbia. One of my friends told her daughter they might not go. She’s seven and cried herself to sleep in the living room. She was supposed to go with her friends, dressed as Disney princesses, and my friend was going to dress as the Fairy Godmother and take them. Try finding someone to take five seven-year-old girls trick-or-treating. No really. Try it.

After listening to my friends with kids stress out over this, it just pisses me off more that Romney is coming just because The Washington Post ran a feature on how the bailout saved Defiance. Another one of my friends wrote, “That is what I’m sayin!! He is just coming to do ‘damage control’ for his campaign here. Otherwise Defiance wouldn’t even be a speck on the map to him.”

She’s right.

So yeah. I couldn’t help myself when this smug sanctimommy with cutsey-named kids just HAD to share with the newspaper. 

Filed under Mitt Romney Politics Halloween children kids Trick or Treat Trick or treatgate Defiance Ohio GOP GM is alive and Bin Laden is dead GM General Motors

28 notes

There are many things I’ve learned working at a call center…

But this one is crucial. No matter how cute you think your kids are screeching your answering machine greeting in a far from unison fashion (“HI IT’S THE SMITH-JONES FAMILY AND WE’RE OUT DOING FAMILY STUFF GIGGLE GIGGLE…!”), it only does one thing for me: I will become more determined to call you to take my goddamn survey thanks to the ear acid to which I’ve been subjected.

It’s not cute, it’s annoying, and if anyone’s looking for you for an important reason, they’re going to wonder if they’ve reached the banshee-crossed Children of the Corn instead of a potential employee or something. Would you let your darlings answer your cell phone? Your office phone? No?

Okay, then. Maybe I’m just cranky because of this cold, but this kidlet answering service shit is getting old fast.

Cheers,
Meg

Filed under Children your kids annoy me work bitching kids answering machine

23 notes

Description:

"Isaac Anthony is a conservative six-year-old who knows where he stands on political issues and the upcoming Presidential election."

When the new hot pundit for your movement is an “armed” six-year-old, it’s time to look at your life and look at your choices.

The two top comments from above:

If a six year old can get it, what’s wrong with the rest of you???
dogwithlaserpointer

ROCK ON LITTLE FELLER !!!! these liberal dipshits want to keep spewing their hate and threats because you exercised your 1st amendment right, and i will bring the whole W.O.L.F. militia and our AR’s to your house to stand guard…you can feel safe knowing we will use our 2nd amendment right to protect you and your family from the obamazombies…..
lustkovar1

W.O.L.F Militia? Wait… what?! Simmer down, guys. You’re making a great argument for gun control. 

Look, if a six-year-old can get it, it’s less political policy and more like Spongebob. Isaac is a minimum of two presidential elections away from voting. But I sincerely doubt he drafted his own soundbites. Loop21 does a great job of breaking his claims down regardless. 

Pro-tip: If the ink on your own birth certificate is barely dry, you don’t get to demand the president’s. 

Actually, check that. An “armed” 6-year-old IS actually the best spokesman for this merry band of miscreants.

(Source: cognitivedissonance)

Filed under Isaac Anthony Conservative Barack Obama Mitt Romney politics Republican Election 2012 Seriously punditry kid children gun guns Second Amendment militia patriot movement vote I can't

693 notes

Really poor children, in really poor neighborhoods have no habits of working and have nobody around them who works, so they have no habit of showing up on Monday. They have no habit of staying all day, they have no habit of ‘I do this and you give me cash’ unless it is illegal.

Newt Gingrich, defending his stance that child labor laws should be repealed, on the campaign trail in Iowa. And he’s leading in several of the polls.

I can’t. I just can’t.

Why is it so easy to believe every single person in poverty - millions of Americans - are completely lazy and don’t want to work, yet it’s so incomprehensible that maybe the richest 1% are just a little too greedy and are getting coddled by Congress?!

Someone answer that. Please. Use bootstrap references and so help me Jeebus, I will reach through the internet to high five your face…

(Source: politics.blogs.foxnews.com)

Filed under Newt Gingrich Poor people can't have nice things Republican republicans politics Iowa 2012 Election 2012 Children poverty really?! STFU

135 notes

Huffington Post Recruiting Children As Unpaid Writers

Late Friday afternoon, The Huffington Post announced its latest way to get free content from writers. According to Forbes, “The Huffington Post’s best response to those critics who accuse it of exploiting writers by not paying them has always been the libertarian one: Within the boundaries of the law, consenting adults are free to enter into whatever sorts of arrangements they choose, even one that involves donating their labor to a for-profit corporation. But what about when those writers aren’t adults?” Yes, that’s right, kids as young as 13 are being invited to provide content for Patch, which is run by the Huffington Post Media Group.

Today on Advertising Age, “Patch ‘is churning out one piece of content every 9 seconds.’” That’s what this is about, folks: churn. Page views. And getting unpaid children to help AOL shovel content - digital coal - into its page-view oven. Quite simply, AOL/HuffPo intends to monetize the work of minors earning $0/hour. On Patch and HuffPost High School, it will sell ads against content created by minors - but it will not share advertising revenue with those minors.”

The National Writers Union is committed to establishing a living wage for all freelance writers. For more campaign updates, sign up at www.PayTheWriter.org

This is just plain wrong. At least give them a savings bond or something, Arianna. Here’s more info on the boycott of Huffington Post.

Filed under Huffington Post boycott union National Writers Union digital picket line never cross a picket line Pay the Writer politics children

48 notes

Amber Hahn, GOP party chair of Columbia County in Wisconsin and professional outraged parent, resigned this weekend after crashing her car while driving drunk. Her three young children were also in the car. No one was hurt, and she’s out on a $2,000 bond.
Somewhat ironically, the Columbia County Republican Party has adopted a twelve step plan for GOP success. One of those twelve steps is “Propose plans based on consistent principles with godly and moral family values racing up to a hopeful future for Americans.” How about mandated treatment for DUI? That seems like a good idea.
She’s been leading the charge against Scott Walker backlash from her dairy farm, hosting fundraisers for recalled senators and Koch brother BFF Sen. Scott Fitzgerald. Anyhow, here’s Hahn on Fox News expressing her concern about Wisconsin schools teaching kids about the history of unions and the labor movement:




I think her drunk driving is more concerning for her children’s well-being versus learning labor history, but what do I know - I have no kids, just cats.
Okay, I give her credit for admitting she has a problem with alcohol, but she attempts to minimize it by claiming alcohol hasn’t been a problem for long, but "long enough that it’s something that needs to be addressed." I somehow doubt that. You don’t become an alcoholic overnight. I’m wondering if it’s a problem because she got caught or because she actually thinks it’s a problem. In the video above, she’s stumbling over and slurring her words somewhat.
As an aside, the Columbia County Republican Party may want to rethink its recently instituted gatherings:
Pints & Politics  3rd Wednesday of the month5 - 7 pm

Amber Hahn, GOP party chair of Columbia County in Wisconsin and professional outraged parent, resigned this weekend after crashing her car while driving drunk. Her three young children were also in the car. No one was hurt, and she’s out on a $2,000 bond.

Somewhat ironically, the Columbia County Republican Party has adopted a twelve step plan for GOP success. One of those twelve steps is “Propose plans based on consistent principles with godly and moral family values racing up to a hopeful future for Americans.” How about mandated treatment for DUI? That seems like a good idea.

She’s been leading the charge against Scott Walker backlash from her dairy farm, hosting fundraisers for recalled senators and Koch brother BFF Sen. Scott Fitzgerald. Anyhow, here’s Hahn on Fox News expressing her concern about Wisconsin schools teaching kids about the history of unions and the labor movement:

I think her drunk driving is more concerning for her children’s well-being versus learning labor history, but what do I know - I have no kids, just cats.

Okay, I give her credit for admitting she has a problem with alcohol, but she attempts to minimize it by claiming alcohol hasn’t been a problem for long, but "long enough that it’s something that needs to be addressed." I somehow doubt that. You don’t become an alcoholic overnight. I’m wondering if it’s a problem because she got caught or because she actually thinks it’s a problem. In the video above, she’s stumbling over and slurring her words somewhat.

As an aside, the Columbia County Republican Party may want to rethink its recently instituted gatherings:

Pints & Politics
3rd Wednesday of the month
5 - 7 pm

Filed under Amber Hahn drunk driving GOP Conservative conservatives alcohol children child endangerment family values hypocrisy