Cognitive Dissonance

"Democracy! Bah! When I hear that I reach for my feather boa!" - Allen Ginsberg

Posts tagged fml

27 notes

Dante missed the tenth circle of hell: The DMV office of a large metro area on a Saturday. 

Here’s their helpful text: “Your est. wait is 347 min. We’ll send you updates & let you know when you reach the front. Cmds you can send: “S” Status update, “L” Leave, “H” Help”

I texted ”S” thirty minutes later - “There are 231 people ahead of you. Your estimated wait is 375 min. Need more time than that? Reply with “M”

IT WENT UP.

The only thing keeping me here is the desire to not lose my parking space.

Filed under unquality blogging adulting FML I'm bitching Someone bring me tacos

48 notes

"Oh, you can’t sleep? Cool, it’s the perfect time to reminisce about that one time you sneezed and farted in English class in the 9th grade. Wasn’t that embarrassing? Ooh, and you should look up your ex’s on FB — I bet they’re super happy and succeeding at everything! Hey, just curious, but do know how much is your bank account exactly, y’know, to the penny? You should probably think about that for awhile. Yeah, and what’s weird twinge in your back and that noise outside? You probably should have filled that Ambien prescription, but TOO LATE! GET IT?! ‘Too late’ because we ain’t sleeping tonight."

— My brain, trying to get stabbed with a Q-tip.

Filed under shut up brain insomnia night blogging by default FML

33 notes

Protip for life, y’all:

If a cop pulls you over for “driving like an asshole,” it’s unwise to tell him you’re pretty sure that law doesn’t exist under Wyoming state statute or City of Laramie municipal code. He’s already convinced it’s totally on the books.

Luckily, all I got was a tongue lashing and a non specific warning “since it’s finals week.”

Filed under FML