Posts tagged republicans
Posts tagged republicans
Matt Bors hits it out of the park with his new piece, “Hey, Everyone Involved In This Syria Shit Show, You’re Terrible”. An excerpt:
Free Syrian Army — Saw you dudes on the front page of The New York Times last week lining up a bunch of shirtless, whip-marked prisoners for execution. Nice! Bet they were shitheads. Seemed a liiiiiittle sketch though. Had me thinking: You’re not gonna, like, massacre everyone in Damascus once you take it over, right? You’re going to have elections when this is over? Set up some public schools, run for county treasurer?
Because I’m starting to think the leftover weapons we gave you won’t be melted down to build swing sets.
Al Qaeda & Friends — Hi! You’re banning croissants and shit. That’s just trolling.
Y’all just rush your woman-hating asses into every shitstorm to make it worse, don’t you? Places liberated from Assad are supposed to be rolling out Jeffersonian Democracy and here you are setting up Sharia courts and chopping off hands for purse snatching. You get the memo on “international norms”? Because your 12th century assholery makes gassing people look futuristic.
John Kerry — A young man once asked, “”How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?” He was you! So maybe stop asking people to die for yet another war that is bound to be a mistake. Oh, it’s not going to be a big deal, you say, just a couple of explosions here and there. No boots touching no ground. You know which conflict started out like that? THE VIETNAM ONE. Now you’re dragging your droopy face around, casting anyone who opposes this garbage idea as some pro-Iran Jew hater and comparing Assad to Hitler. You think you’re in the comments section of the internet, bro? Because this is not how you make arguments.
Oh, and look, there’s a photo from 2009 of you dining with the New Hitler. Yeah, have a seat, Donald Rumsfeld.
Barack Obama — Remember when you said “red line” out loud a year ago? Fortunately, [it] wasn’t a magic incantation that compels us to go to war. You can actually just not do this. You see Micronesia eager to bomb Syria? You see Chile ready to launch missiles on a country its citizens know nothing about? Okay, the main reason for that is they don’t spend a fuktrillion dollars a year on their military. But the other, closely related cousin of that reason, is they don’t see themselves as the Judge Dredd of Earth with a need to pepper the entire planet with military bases.
We’ve invaded, bombed, and/or occupied dozens of countries in just the last few decades all in the name of increasing our “national security interests.” Haiti, The Philippines, Somalia, Iraq, Afghanistan; none of them really turned out super great. America’s done enough wonders for the world, buddy. Let’s sit this one out.
Read the rest here.
This is not a parody account.
I’m just going to deal with a logical fallacy here — a weapon is no longer secret once you tweet it could be a secret weapon.
And one might think the GOP might view Black people as more than just votes to be used as a weapon. One might think that. But one would also be very, very wrong. Not unless this is the red and the black Fox Nation is talking about:
I checked. Nope. From the story:
Republicans need not win the black vote, or even a third of it. Securing 15 percent of the black electorate severely erodes the stalwart-Democrat base.
Here’s a hint: Stop supporting laws that force 102-year-old Desiline Victor to wait in line for several hours to vote and you just might have a fighting chance. Oh, and probably stop saying and doing racist shit every chance y’all get.
You know the GOP’s in trouble when 15% is the target. Of course, that’s nearly double what Mitt Romney received in 2012, so perhaps 15% is optimistic.
So how’s that bigoty, WASPy Southern Strategy thingy workin’ out for ya? Probably about as well as it did the year some of my readers were born. Just for funsies, let’s do the time warp again!
"In a number of ways, the Republican Party has sought to make this the year it would break the Democratic hammerlock on the votes of black Americans.
Starting with the windfall of Gen. Colin L. Powell’s announcement of Republican affiliation, and continuing with Bob Dole’s choice of Jack Kemp as his running mate, party officials allowed themselves to hope that their Presidential ticket might pull 15 percent or 16 percent of the black vote this year, up from 11 percent for George Bush in 1992. In the euphoria of the San Diego convention, one top campaign official set the target at 20 percent.
But there is no sign the Republicans are actually gaining; in the latest New York Times/CBS News poll, in fact, they are doing worse than in 1992. Only 3 percent of the black respondents in the survey, completed early this month, said they intended to vote for the Dole-Kemp ticket, and only 7 percent said they would vote for the Republican House candidate in their district.” — “G.O.P. Tries Hard to Win Black Votes, but Recent History Works Against It,” The New York Times, Sept. 19, 1996
Aim low, fellas.
Wyomingite and Universalist Minister Audette Fulbright wrote her representatives to express her concerns about expanding carry laws in schools and fracking. As she wrote: “Here is the response I got from Rep. Hans Hunt:”
“I’ll be blunt. If you don’t like the political atmosphere of Wyoming, then by all means, leave. We, who have been here a very long time (I am proudly 4th generation) are quite proud of our independent heritage. I don’t expect a ‘mass exodus’ from our state just because we’re standing up for our rights. As to your comments on fracking, I would point out that you’re basing your statement on ‘dangers’ that have not been scientifically founded or proved as of yet.
“It offends me to no end when liberal out-of-staters such as yourself move into Wyoming, trying to get away from where they came from, and then pompously demand that Wyoming conform to their way of thinking. We are, and will continue to be, a state which stands a head above the rest in terms of economic security. Our ability to do that is, in large part, to our ‘live and let live’ mentality when it comes to allowing economic development, and limiting government oversight. So, to conclude, if you’re so worried about what our legislature is working on, then go back home.
Representative Hans Hunt
House District 02”
Yes, that happened.
“Dear Rep. Hunt,
Regarding your recent email to Rev. Fulbright – Serving in the legislature is a privilege, not a birthright, and you serve all your constituents, even if they just moved here yesterday. You were a Wyomingite by accident. Over 60% of us, according to the last survey, were born somewhere else and become Wyomingites by choice.
If you’re incapable of playing well with others, perhaps it’s you that needs to go back home.
I’ll just leave his email here: email@example.com
Moderate Republicans in the Wyoming Legislature — one of, if not THE reddest of state legislatures — just killed a radical anti-choice bill and sent domestic partnerships to House floor today.
All politics are local, my friends.
Because that went so well for them in 2012.
Keep it classy, Grass Roots Republicans!
The caption reads: “Approaching Hurricane Sandy is claiming to hail a billion dollars in damage. Hurricane Obama continues to roll over America leaving a trail of destruction and 16.2 trillion in damages.”
Calling themselves “a group of folks trying to impress logic to the illogical,” they’re now in the running for most tasteless Hurricane Sandy co-opting I’ve seen thus far.
Now, let’s just go one step further and claim Hurricane Sandy was created by Rahm Emmanuel and his Chicago cronies long ago in 2008, obviously funded by George Soros, and we’re almost there.