Cognitive Dissonance

"Democracy! Bah! When I hear that I reach for my feather boa!" - Allen Ginsberg

Posts tagged the stupid burns

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Sarah Palin Fumbles and Flails Into an Otherwise Solemn Day

Following Sarah Palin’s videotaped statement today, let there be no doubt about her total lack of seriousness — a character trait, in fact, that’s utterly dwarfed by her chronic inability to construct prepared, teleprompter-presented remarks without virtually choking on her own tongue.

Sarah Palin could have used her time to be a leader — to take the high road and talk about the heroes and the victims of this terrorist attack. She could have used the time to discuss responsible gun ownership. She could have taken the time to address her people and mitigate the anger and political hatred that’s bubbled up around this tragedy. Instead, she diminished the tragedy by conflating it with the attacks against her and her record of inflammatory statements.

And, along the same line, arguably the biggest gaffe of today’s narcissistic word salad was her use of the phrase "blood libel." So not only did she opt to whine about her critics on a day when real heroes and real victims will be memorialized, but she also compared the criticism and stress she’s endured throughout the last four days to thousands of years of anti-Semitic religious persecution endured by Jews.

This further shows how self-absorbed Sarah Palin really is - no matter what happens, it’s about Sarah. She didn’t mean anything by “blood libel” though, she loves Israel!

Filed under Sarah Palin Israel Blood libel STFU antisemitism the stupid burns

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An apparent member of the birther movement seated in the gallery of the House of Representatives on Thursday interrupted a reading of the Constitution. The woman yelled out “Except Obama, except Obama, help us Jesus!” as Rep. Frank Pallone (D-NJ) read the “natural born citizen” clause of the Constitution.

The woman screamed out from the House Gallery as Pallone read Section 1 of Article Two of the United States Constitution, which reads that “No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President.”

This is what Fox News hath unleashed upon us. For fuck’s sake…

(Source: tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)

Filed under birther goddammit the stupid burns Fox News Faux News Obama was born in Hawaii Obama politics Constitution US House

401 notes

Alaska has over 600 miles of land. If you were to explore 1,000 acres every day, it would take you more than 900 years.

Sarah Palin 

-almost fell off my treadmill when I heard her say this. 

(via peanut-butt)

What? How did she get 900? 

Ok so let’s break this down… There are 640 acres in a mile. There are 600 miles of land. 600 * 640 = 384,000… 384,000 total acres / 1,000 acres a day = 384 days.

365 days in a year. So Sarah… You’ll just need 1 year and 19 days to complete this expedition of yours…. 

(via iheartokeeffe)

Maybe it was a hyperbole!

(via janedoe225)

Hyper what?

(via kiss-distinctly-american)

I think she meant metric years.

(via inothernews)

Don’t worry guys, she’s just using American math!

(via schmolitics)

I just got two links in my Askhole telling me she may have been right, or close to right.  Whatever the case, let’s say it did take more than 900 years, right?

Well it’s Sarah Palin, so she’d only do the first 450.

(via inothernews)

Miles and acres are not comparable units people. An acre is a measure of area, a mile is a measure of length (or distance). Now, if you said square miles you’d be on the right track. Of course either way, Ms Palin is pretty fucking wrong. It’s just that if she had said “600 square miles” she’d be slightly less wrong.

(via savagemike)

oh wow. 

(via stfuteabaggers)

Alaska has a total of 663,368 sq. miles, what is she talking about? Where did the 600 miles come from? She’s right that it’s over 900 years but not when your units are 600 miles, that’s roughly the length from LA to SF and back. Driving, it takes me no more than 6-7 hours each way.

663,268 sq. miles*(640 acres/ 1 sq. mile)*(1 day/1,000 acres)*(1 year/ 365.25 days) = 1,162.2 years

(via thenoobyorker)

I thought maybe she meant 600 miles across, but that can’t be right either, especially if you count the Aleutian Islands (which as former governor, she should). Even if that was what she meant, she then transitioned to acres anyway. So either way, she’s a total & complete fucking moron. Oh, and not to nitpick, but LA to SF is more like 400 miles.

(via savagemike)

Wait, Sarah Palin said something factually off-base that involved math? Be still my heart.

(via savagemike)

Filed under Sarah Palin The stupid burns STFU

102 notes

stfuparents:

MommyJacking: Pearl Harbor Edition
UMMM. Wow. I know I’m supposed to mock the MommyJacker, but this submission came to me edited and has inspired a tangential joke:
Me: “Knock, knock.”
You: “Who’s there?”
Me: “Orange.”
You: “Orange who?”
Me: “ORANGE YOU GLAD YOU AREN’T A TOTAL MORON LIKE THE PERSON WHO THOUGHT PEARL HARBOR WAS JUST A MOVIE?????? FOR THE LOVE OF BEN AFFLECK WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS COUNTRY?!?!! BAHH!!”
Oh and Purple, you just won the Worst Side Note Award. Congrats! You can pick up your gift certificate to Chili’s right after I finish banging my head against a brick wall. Get some of those fried eggrolls when you go!
(submitted by Anonymous)

/facepalm

stfuparents:

MommyJacking: Pearl Harbor Edition

UMMM. Wow. I know I’m supposed to mock the MommyJacker, but this submission came to me edited and has inspired a tangential joke:

Me: “Knock, knock.”

You: “Who’s there?”

Me: “Orange.”

You: “Orange who?”

Me: “ORANGE YOU GLAD YOU AREN’T A TOTAL MORON LIKE THE PERSON WHO THOUGHT PEARL HARBOR WAS JUST A MOVIE?????? FOR THE LOVE OF BEN AFFLECK WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS COUNTRY?!?!! BAHH!!

Oh and Purple, you just won the Worst Side Note Award. Congrats! You can pick up your gift certificate to Chili’s right after I finish banging my head against a brick wall. Get some of those fried eggrolls when you go!

(submitted by Anonymous)

/facepalm

(Source: stfuparents)

Filed under the stupid burns STFU Parents

66 notes


liberal-lad:
12 Enlightening Quotes From The Great American Conservative Women Of 2011.

Really?! Because fucking flowers don’t require $250K to thrive over 18 years. They just need some water, dirt and sun. Plus, some of them are perennials and die back in the winter and fall. If you’re raising kids like flowers, someone needs to call Department of Family services on your ass.

liberal-lad:

12 Enlightening Quotes From The Great American Conservative Women Of 2011.

Really?! Because fucking flowers don’t require $250K to thrive over 18 years. They just need some water, dirt and sun. Plus, some of them are perennials and die back in the winter and fall. If you’re raising kids like flowers, someone needs to call Department of Family services on your ass.

(via silas216)

Filed under Conservatives the stupid burns Thanks for setting women back 50 years Seriously? WTF? Quotes You make it too easy Tea Party Teabaggery STFU Children are more expensive than followers

9 notes

Just when you thought Christine O’Donnell, the Republican nominee for U.S. Senate in Delaware, could do nothing further to top herself, she does.

At a Tuesday morning debate with her Democratic rival Chris Coons, she appeared to be aggressively ignorant of the fact that the First Amendment requires the separation of church and state.

Making matters worse, the audience was actually filled with people with presumably more than a passing familiarity with the Constitution: law professors and students.

"Where in the Constitution is the separation of church and state?" O’Donnell asked him. When Coons responded that the First Amendment bars Congress from making laws respecting the establishment of religion, O’Donnell asked: "You’re telling me that’s in the First Amendment?"

From NPR…my brain is literally broken. I know this is all over the place, but damn. It takes willful ignorance to pull this one off, kids.

(Source: NPR)

Filed under Christine O'Donnell Seriously First Amendment says what? First Amendment Really? The stupid burns