Cognitive Dissonance

"Democracy! Bah! When I hear that I reach for my feather boa!" - Allen Ginsberg

Posts tagged wait what?

45 notes

Now communism, and I hate to bring the c-word into this, is the government owning the means of production. And that’s what we see with the schools, with public education and the government. I think we need to bring private competition into it.

Wyoming Country Party nominee for the U.S. Senate, Joel Otto, at tonight’s PBS debate regarding public schools.  

Filed under Communism Politics Joel Otto Wyoming Country Party Election Election 2012 wait what? education public education

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This is the only education issue the anti-gay, anti-choice PAC WyWatch cares about enough to put on its candidate questionnaire. 
I’m not even going to tell you how many others support this because I lost count.
That’s it. I’m proposing using Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter as an elective because it could have happened. You guys don’t know! You weren’t there!

This is the only education issue the anti-gay, anti-choice PAC WyWatch cares about enough to put on its candidate questionnaire. 

I’m not even going to tell you how many others support this because I lost count.

That’s it. I’m proposing using Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter as an elective because it could have happened. You guys don’t know! You weren’t there!

Filed under Wyoming Wyoming is weird Politics Education Christian wait what? WyWatch PAC The Bible Religion Separation of Church and state rules Separation of Church and State First Amendment public schools

34 notes

I know some folks rip on Canada, but damn — +1 for America’s hat. From Deadspin:

Dude in the video above wasn’t happy about being picked up by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police for being intoxicated. The best excuse he can muster is something about “brotherhood of men on the planet earth” before he segues right into singing Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody.” In its entirety. He even provides the instrumental interlude. There’s nothing clever to add here. This performance can’t be topped.

But seriously, kids. Don’t be this wasted in public if you can help it. It makes you look like an asshole. But if you do find yourself in that situation, sing something epic or hilarious. I suggest “Dancing Queen” by Abba.

Filed under Canada Bohemian Rhapsody drunk America's hat O Canada Queen Wait what?

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Wyoming House advances doomsday bill

So this happened today:

House Bill 85 passed on first reading by a voice vote. It would create a task force to research and prepare Wyoming for potential catastrophes, from disruptions in food and energy supplies to a complete meltdown of the federal government.

It would look at the feasibility of Wyoming issuing its own alternative currency, if needed. And House members approved an amendment on Friday to have the task force also examine conditions under which Wyoming would need to implement its own military draft, raise a standing army, and acquire strike aircraft and an aircraft carrier.

An aircraft carrier… A FUCKING AIRCRAFT CARRIER?!

Did you guys forget where we are in relation to the ocean? Let me map that for you. Where are we going to launch it, Yellowstone Lake?

Never mind the strike aircraft… I can’t… 

Update: The original article about the bill is here.

(Source: cognitivedissonance)

Filed under Wyoming Republican Republicans GOP Politics really? Wyoming has no ocean wait what? David Miller

225 notes

The Tea Party voter guide for Iowa

First, pro-tip for the Tea Party: When you send out a voter guide, spell the names of the candidates correctly.

From the Tea Party Issues Ballot Guide - Iowa Edition:

STRAW POLL

  • Which candidate do you support for President?
  • Mitt Romney
  • Rick Santorum
  • Buddy Roemer
  • Michelle [sic] Bachman [sic] (Guys, it’s “Michele Bachmann”)
  • Ron Paul
  • Newt Gingrich  
  • Rick Perry
  • John [sic] Huntsman (Again, spell-check: It’s “Jon”)  
  • Other (write in)

Their chosen issues are just a titch terrifying. And putting instructions in all caps makes me think you’re screaming at me.

Wait… this is the Tea Party.

Anyhow, here’s their chosen issues. My comments are in bold and bracketed:

CHECK EVERY ISSUE YOU THINK SHOULD BE INCLUDED IN THE TEA PARTY VOTER GUIDE. YOU CAN CHECK AS MANY AS YOU’D LIKE. WE’LL SEND YOU THE GUIDE JUST BEFORE THE IOWA CAUCUSES.

Balanced budget amendment [You know those wars you are all so fond of? Couldn’t and wouldn’t happen with this.]

Balance budget by reducing spending to a level equal to our tax revenues [We’d be boned. You know who did that, by the way? A Democrat. President Bill Clinton balanced the budget.]

Reduce spending by elimination of waste, fraud and abuse in the Federal Government.

Cut taxes. [Because that will totally work, considering the Bush tax cuts put us in the black. Wait…]

Enact the fair tax. [Cool. So GE is gonna pay taxes? Oh, not that kind of fair tax…]

Enact a consumption tax, IE a national sales tax. [I think you’re looking for “i.e.” - “IE” is the shitty browser most of you likely use.]

Repeal the 16th Amendment (the income tax amendment) [And fund government how? Magic fairy dust?]

Repeal Obamacare [You mean The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act?]

Require any Supreme Court Justice to be prolife [Unbiased, independent judiciary says what?]

Abolish the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. [Um, no. You guys can’t get rid of a circuit because they made you sad and angry in your face.]

Abolish the Judgeships of activist judges [Hey, that’ll totally guarantee an independent judiciary. That’s not like a dictatorship at all </sarcasm>. Besides, you can’t just abolish their judgeship because reasons.]

Oppose Federal Tort Reform and protect the 7th Amendment (Civil Jury Trials)

Overturn Roe V. Wade

Increase Defense spending to at least the levels in years of the Bush administration. [And yet, you want to cut taxes and get rid of the income tax altogether. Oh, and defense spending under Obama increased. So that would be a decrease. See the chart below. True facts, y’all]


Withdraw from Afghanistan [Hooray rationality!]

Surge troops in Afghanistan so that the Taliban is defeated. [And there it goes. Ask Russia and Britain how the whole Afghanistan thing went.]

Start all foreign aid at zero. [Even Israel?]

Eliminate foreign aid. [Foreign aid = very tiny portion of our budget. Particularly against defense spending. Chart time!]

[Look! You can barely see the green bar!]

Stop Iran from acquiring nuclear weapons. [Probably with magic fairy dust. Because that seems to be the only way to guarantee it. It’s not like Obama just sanctioned the hell out of Iran or anything…]

Work for regime change in Iran through covert action. [It’s not covert now </sarcasm>]

Impose trade sanctions on China [You know that’s where all the shit in Wal-Mart comes from, right?]

Support the Death Penalty [They support it so hard it becomes a proper noun.]

Oppose and defeat the “Internet free speech kill switch.” [Even a broken clock is right twice a day.]

Abolish the EPA [But for the other 1,438 minutes in the day, that broken clock is wrong. Who needs clean air anyhow? Smog builds character.]

Abolish the Department of Education [Book learnin’ is for socialists.]

Abolish the Department of Energy [Who needs safe energy development? Coal mine accidents = job openings, right? </sarcasm>] 

Repeal NAFTA and other free trade agreements. [I could deal…]

Increase Free trade agreements. [And there y’all go again with the whole irrationality thing…]

Reinstate Don’t ask Don’t Tell [Why? Because gay soldiers are fighting the War on Christmas, that’s why.]

Leave the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell intact. [You’re just bullshitting me now.]

Work to repeal Gun Control laws and protect the Second Amendment against state restrictions. [Hint: Gun rights expanded under Obama. Guns in federal parks, gun bans struck down in several cities, assault rifle ban NOT reinstated as Obama said it would be, etc. Plus, we just bought a record amount of guns as Christmas gifts this year. I’m going to quit joking about the War on Christmas now.]

Secure the Border [Oh, boy. This one’s always, um, entertaining.]

Have selective removal of illegal aliens [By what? Lottery? Church attendance?]

Remove all illegal aliens. [Because that’s not prohibitively expensive, especially after we get rid of taxes.]

Abolish birthright citizenship. [It’s not like it’s in the US Constitution or anything. Because it is. For supposed strict constitutionalists, you all sure like to dick with the US Constitution.]

Repeal Dodd-Frank [Regulations caused the financial crisis, right?]

Repeal Sarbanes Oxley [This was an act to increase corporate accountability in the wake of Enron and other scandals. Essentially, this means CEOs can be held responsible for fraud or otherwise cooked books. Sounds terrible.]

Repeal oppressive business regulations. [What else is left? The minimum wage? Oh, right… Remember, if things they don’t like aren’t repealed, Tea Party Nation believes businesses should stop hiring in protest. Really.]

If you’d like to submit your vote, it’s still open. I encourage you to do so.

Filed under Tea Party Nation Tea Party politics wait what? conservative GOP spelling is important rational thought is important Iowa Iowa Caucus Voting Vote Voter guide Republican Republicans Really? Seriously? government lulz news

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Ex-Ala. GOP politician caught in New Zealand sperm-donor scandal

doctorsheldoncooperforthewin:

cognitivedissonance:

From the “Wait, what?” files:

A conservative Christian politician has a secret life as a sperm donor for lesbian couples - even though he has campaigned against gay marriage. American politician Bill Johnson has spent most of this year in Christchurch helping run the earthquake recovery, all the while using the online persona “chchbill” to meet women who want help to get pregnant. Three women are now pregnant, and Johnson has assisted another three with donations in the past month. 

<snip>

I seriously question his motives - for him, it’s all about having a biological child of his own. It’s not about the women having a child of their own, it’s about them having his child. Note he says having children is a basic human need, one he’d be okay with denying to same-sex couples in the U.S. - at least in regards to parenting rights. 

<snip>

I am genuinely curious about the legal issues surrounding this type of case. What if they don’t want him involved? What if he quits supporting them? What about the international issues of custody? This is a Family Law nightmare, not to mention it smacks of hypocrisy.

So Bill Johnson, you’re a true hypocrite.

well sperm donors don’t have legal rights to the children the sperm produces so…

Here’s the thing: That’s with legal donations inside the fertility clinic system. The biological father doesn’t know who the children are and vice versa… usually. NZ is different: “The Human Assisted Reproductive Technology Act allows children at age 18 to ask the fertility clinic or the registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriage for the identity of the donor and any siblings conceived using the same donor.”

As for rights, international courts have ruled differently. Without legal agreements about the donation, there’s literally no proof the donor intended to relinquish rights. For all courts would know, a woman had a one night stand with Johnson, or intended to involved him as a father, etc. 

(via soillfightmycorner-deactivated2)

Filed under Bill Johnson politics GOP GLBTQ Rights anti-gay bigotry scandal wait what? marriage equality parenting conservatives republicans Family law

24 notes

Ex-Ala. GOP politician caught in New Zealand sperm-donor scandal

From the “Wait, what?” files:

A conservative Christian politician has a secret life as a sperm donor for lesbian couples - even though he has campaigned against gay marriage. American politician Bill Johnson has spent most of this year in Christchurch helping run the earthquake recovery, all the while using the online persona “chchbill” to meet women who want help to get pregnant. Three women are now pregnant, and Johnson has assisted another three with donations in the past month. 

Johnson was a 2009 candidate for the office of Governor of Alabama. He moved to Christchurch after the February quake without his wife Kathy. 

The Herald on Sunday approached Johnson on Thursday at a restaurant in Christchurch where he had just finished dining with one of the women he had successfully impregnated. He said the urge to become a biological father was “a need that I have”.

"I am married to the most beautiful woman in the world. When I married her I knew we couldn’t have any more children. She had a hysterectomy 10 years ago. There is nothing my wife would want to give me more in the world than a child of my own."

Johnson said he had told his wife he wanted to act as a sperm donor. The couple had sought counselling shortly after. He said he left believing she was aware he was going to continue. Asked if his wife knew he was donating sperm, he said: “She does now.” He said she did not know of any of the pregnancies and, “If life’s circumstances had dealt me a different hand I wouldn’t be doing this. It is not the hand that life has dealt my wife. Reproduction and having children is as basic a human need as eating.”

The women say they met him through different sites. They included a number of women in same-sex relationships. In his political life, Johnson campaigned on a conservative Christian platform which opposed gay marriage. He said he did not know the “relationship status” of the women he donated to: “I just know they want to have children.”

He asked: “Would it make any difference that from the first month (of pregnancy) I started sending [one of the women] money to help?” He said he was also financially supporting another pregnant woman. The payments he made in that case were increased because the woman already had one child.

So… good on him for helping women have children - but not really.

Why?

I seriously question his motives - for him, it’s all about having a biological child of his own. It’s not about the women having a child of their own, it’s about them having his child. Note he says having children is a basic human need, one he’d be okay with denying to same-sex couples in the U.S. - at least in regards to parenting rights. 

His wife is none too thrilled:

"This is a really, really difficult time for our family," Kathy Johnson said in an email to the Mobile (Ala.) Press-Register. "I’m still in disbelief and very hurt, and our family has a lot of healing to do."

I am genuinely curious about the legal issues surrounding this type of case. What if they don’t want him involved? What if he quits supporting them? What about the international issues of custody? This is a Family Law nightmare, not to mention it smacks of hypocrisy.

So Bill Johnson, you’re a true hypocrite.

Filed under Bill Johnson politics GOP GLBTQ Rights anti-gay bigotry scandal wait what? marriage equality parenting conservatives republicans Family law government news

44 notes

I am the Koch brothers’ brother from another mother!

Herman Cain, giving a speech at the Koch-funded Heritage Foundation.

So, they aren’t even pretending to hide corporate whoring any longer… and yes, he really said it:

I had to watch the video too. Don’t feel bad if you did as well. 

And this would be why we need campaign finance reform. One of many reasons.

Filed under corporatism, Herman Cain Koch Brothers Koch politics Heritage Foundation GOP Republican republicans wait what? sniffing Koch coporatism corporations are not people conservative conservatives STFU

248 notes

First, masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman. If a man were to masturbate while engaged in other forms of sexual intimacy with his wife then he would not be doing so in a homosexual way. However, any man who does so without his wife in the room is bordering on homosexual activity, particularly if he’s watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body.

Mark Driscoll, “Pastor” of the Mars Hill Church in Seattle, claiming men need to stop masturbating because it’s a kind of homosexuality. Driscoll also authored a booklet entitled Porn-Again Christian: A Frank Discussion on Pornography & Masturbation for God’s Men.

This is what immediately came to mind:

Yes, that’s James Franco making out with himself. Oh, and this:

In order to clear up any confusion for Driscoll, here’s the Merriam-Webster definition of homosexual:

ho·mo·sex·u·al adj
\ˌhō-mə-ˈsek-sh(ə-)wəl, -ˈsek-shəl\
Definition of HOMOSEXUAL
1: of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex

2: of, relating to, or involving sexual intercourse between persons of the same sex

Nothing in there regarding sex with yourself, I promise. Oddly enough, he says nothing about women, lesbianism, female masturbation, etc. I just don’t know what to say about this - it’s so ridiculous. 

DON’T TOUCH YERSELF, BOYS! IT’S GONNA MAKE YOU A HOMOSEXUAL!

Yeah, okay. Oh, and “Pastor” is in quotations marks because reason, dude. You’ve got none.

(Source: addictinginfo.org)

Filed under homosexual homosexuality Mark Driscoll gay GLBTQ bigotry really? hypochristianity Christian christians? Mars Hill Church Wait what? sex masturbation

132 notes

(Jesus) healed the sick without a government health care system. He feed [sic] the hungry without food stamps. And everywhere He went, it turned into a rally, attracting large crowds, and giving them hope, encouragement and inspiration. For three years He was unemployed, and never collected an unemployment check. Nevertheless, he completed all the work He needed to get done…

The liberal court found Him guilty of false offenses and sentenced Him to death, all because He changed the hearts and minds of men with an army of twelve. Never before and not since has there ever been such a perfect conservative. For over 2,000 years the world has tried hard to erase the memory of the perfect conservative, and His principles of compassion, caring and common sense.

Herman Cain discussing Jesus in his article, “The Perfect Conservative,” last year.

Okay, the whole liberals killed Jesus thing - he’s pretty clear there, and it’s, uh, a little bizarre. I have a Jewish friend still trying to figure out if this is anti-semitic because, as she said, all the Jewish people she knows are fairly liberal.

That notwithstanding, didn’t Jesus supposedly perform miracles to do things like healing the sick? Isn’t that setting the bar a little high for us non-miracle performing folk who’d just like to be able to see a doctor once in awhile?

Maybe the rallies are where this gem of a sign came from:

Kidding! (Sort of)

I guess I missed the part where Galilee had socialized medicine and Jesus was all like, “Forget you, commie doctors!” and healed the lepers in defiance of their death panel’s wishes.

I must have also missed where the ancient Israelites passed out WIC cards and Jesus said, “Lo, cast away thy cards of dependence and come onto me, for I will feed you without socialism.”

I think that must have been in the Gospel of Mark or something. 

h/t to Daily Kos

(Source: northstarnational.com)

Filed under Herman Cain Seriously? Liberals killed Jesus Jesus Republican Jesus GOP Republican republicans conservative conservatives wait what? government politics

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Tea with Rush Limbaugh as a Founding Father on the label. Yes this shit exists:
June 15, 2011
Dear America,
The Liberals are coming. The Liberals are coming.
My good friend Paul Revere laid out the blueprint of how to deal with this. Sound the alarm! One if by land, Two If By Tea™!
Two If By Tea™ represents traditional American values of capitalism and the pursuit of excellence. Each bottle is designed to rise above the sameness and mediocrity that threatens our great nation. Just grab a 12-pack and join the fight to preserve the America we know and love. It&#8217;s worth it&#8230;
Two If By Tea™ is made just the way my mother used to make it, simple and satisfying. Nothing fancy here, just the simple pursuit of excellence in every bottle of tea we make. Whether you’re kicking back on the front porch reflecting on the greatness of our country or firing up the barbeque on a nice hot summer afternoon, Two If By Tea™ is the perfect accompaniment, no matter what the occasion&#8230;
Developing and bringing Two If By Tea™ to market has been a unique American experience for all of us who worked on the project. We were all reminded of the blessings bestowed upon our country by our Founders and the Constitution, who fought to create and safeguard the fundamental values of a free society, knowing that it was limited government and belief in the greatness of the American people that established the concept of American Exceptionalism. Fellow Americans, hold on to our exceptional values, stand up against those who want to suppress your individual rights and above all take pride in being an American! While you’re at it, join me in drinking a bottle of my tea as we admire the great United States of America and the military and law enforcement officials who fight to defend our freedom every day. Thank God, yes God, for the blessings of life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and of course, this wonderful drink - Two If By Tea™!

Yep, Rush Limbaugh is selling patriotic tea. It&#8217;s apparently safe for liberals to drink though. Not that I&#8217;d want to&#8230; For your daily dose of egoism, Rush calls himself the &#8220;Doctor of Democracy&#8221; for this. Seriously.

Tea with Rush Limbaugh as a Founding Father on the label. Yes this shit exists:

June 15, 2011

Dear America,

The Liberals are coming.
The Liberals are coming.

My good friend Paul Revere laid out the blueprint of how to deal with this. Sound the alarm! One if by land, Two If By Tea™!

Two If By Tea™ represents traditional American values of capitalism and the pursuit of excellence. Each bottle is designed to rise above the sameness and mediocrity that threatens our great nation. Just grab a 12-pack and join the fight to preserve the America we know and love. It’s worth it…

Two If By Tea™ is made just the way my mother used to make it, simple and satisfying. Nothing fancy here, just the simple pursuit of excellence in every bottle of tea we make. Whether you’re kicking back on the front porch reflecting on the greatness of our country or firing up the barbeque on a nice hot summer afternoon, Two If By Tea™ is the perfect accompaniment, no matter what the occasion…

Developing and bringing Two If By Tea™ to market has been a unique American experience for all of us who worked on the project. We were all reminded of the blessings bestowed upon our country by our Founders and the Constitution, who fought to create and safeguard the fundamental values of a free society, knowing that it was limited government and belief in the greatness of the American people that established the concept of American Exceptionalism. 

Fellow Americans, hold on to our exceptional values, stand up against those who want to suppress your individual rights and above all take pride in being an American! While you’re at it, join me in drinking a bottle of my tea as we admire the great United States of America and the military and law enforcement officials who fight to defend our freedom every day. Thank God, yes God, for the blessings of life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and of course, this wonderful drink - Two If By Tea™!

Yep, Rush Limbaugh is selling patriotic tea. It’s apparently safe for liberals to drink though. Not that I’d want to… For your daily dose of egoism, Rush calls himself the “Doctor of Democracy” for this. Seriously.

Filed under Rush Limbaugh for fuck's sake GOP Shit that exists wait what? Hooray capitalism srsly?

4 notes

I believe women are to be loved, respected, and protected. I will never strike a female unless she tries to take me on as a man, then in my own belief she has come forth and said I lay aside my femininity and I would surely not hesitate to strike her. This is who I am, that is what one can call freedom and it is makes America what I love.
AJ Kelly, family values guru in Wyoming, with one of the weirdest patriotic statements ever. So, God bless America?

(Source: facebook.com)

Filed under I am disappoint Wait what? America Beating women is patriotic if they hit you first he's apparently single and looking